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Monday, 30 May 2011

Is There a Nice Way to Dis Someone?

Written by  Erin Donovan

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QA guy asked me to go with him to a dance. I don't like him, but I said "No, but I'll see you there." So he asked me to dance all the time and he calls me everyday. The problem is that I don't like him. At all. I've tried to like him but it just isn't happening. He is almost obsessed with me and is always there! He is so nice I just don't know how to tell him gently that I don't want to go out with him!

AI admire you for trying to be considerate, and caring enough not to want to hurt the guy. Too bad he can't take a hint, because it would make things much easier. You're going to have to start being more direct with him. When he asks you out, tell him that you are not interested in him like that, but you are flattered he asked. If he's persistent, tell him you just aren't interested, but you appreciate his friendship, and hope you can continue being friends. If you like someone else, tell him. Then he might stop holding on to false hopes. Again you could say something like "I really don't see us being more than friends. I really like someone else." The main thing is, if you don't like him, no matter how persistent he is, don't give in even once to going out with him, because it will only keep his hopes high.

It's best to distance yourself for a while so that he can have some time to get over you, and stop obsessing. For instance, when he calls (unless you really want to talk to him) tell him that you are busy, and have to go. If he asks you to call him back later, keep the conversation short. If the situation of the dance comes up again, and he's asking you to dance all the time, tell him thanks, but you are really hoping someone else will ask you. It's hard to do and say things that you know are hurting someone, but it's much better that they get the message instead of being led by false hope. And it's important to remember not to compromise your own happiness or well-being just to avoid hurting someone. If he's bugging you and you need to get away, get away. If you don't even want to be friends with him, you don't have to. If trying to be nice, and let him down easy just isn't working, you may have to spell it out plain and clear for him, even if you have to come across rudely. Hopefully, you won't ever have to say " Gosh, you creep! Get over it!" LoL, but some people just don't give up.


Last modified on Monday, 30 May 2011 13:26
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Erin Donovan

Erin Donovan

Erin Donovan's contributions were written in the year before she began college, at which time she was WholeFamily's Senior Teen Advisor.

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