Articles

You mean there's nothing I can do to get my wife to love me? What are you saying? There's no love in a marriage? If so, why get involved with someone if they can't make you happy!

You mean there's nothing I can do to get my wife to love me? What are you saying? There's no love in a marriage? If so, why get involved with someone if they can't make you happy!

"You and your husband are alone in a cabin for the first time since your marriage. He is nibbling on your ear. Do you (a) nibble back, (b) tell him the toilet is running, (c) ask him to kill the mosquito that's buzzing in your ear, (d) think about how disgusting it is to have his saliva stagnate inside of your ear or (e) tell him if he's hungry, he should go make himself a sandwich?" (A and b are from Erma Bombeck, c, d and e are our additions.

Don't despair if you're on a budget--"away" can be a state of mind. Remember when you first dated? It seemed like all kinds of places could be romantic just because you were together. Looking back now, you might agree that the setting or the cost didn't reflect the world's ideal of a romantic experience, but the memories were made and the romance was obvious. When my husband and I were dating in college, one June night, we spent a wonderfully fun romantic evening at the semi-lit playground of a local elementary school.

Have you ever fantasized about your dream vacation with your partner? Where does your imagination take you? What are the scents, sights, sounds and feelings associated with your daydream? I posed this question to our team of freelancers and staff. Enjoy this peek into their dream vacations. Camryn's Dream Vacation In my dream vacation I am naked in the water.

Erica Jong once said, "Advice is what you ask for when you know the answer, but wish you didn't." Here, then, is some advice for young couples wondering if he/she is "the one." You probably already know the answer to this, but it's difficult to swallow whole. So here's the question back at you, in nice, bite-size pieces (ask yourself one a day): 1. Do I feel trapped or liberated at the thought of living with him forever? 2.

The most frequent question asked by men suffering from erectile dysfunction is whether the problem is medical or psychological. It may help to know that it is also the first question a doctor will try to determine. If you are experiencing difficulty maintaining an erection during intercourse, it is always a good idea to get an evaluation from a urologist first. Even when it is clear that there are psychological aspects to the problem, an evaluation by a urologist can find and treat medical problems which may be contributing to impotence.

Let me introduce myself. I am in a mixed marriage. Not "mixed" in the sense of religion, but mixed in nationality. I am American; my husband is Swiss. We met nineteen years ago at a little camping village in the mountains of France, and recently celebrated our eighteenth wedding anniversary. I knew Daniel was special as soon as we met. On our first walk, we sat in the Alps, in the shadow of a weeping willow, and he sang me love songs in French. A few days later we went to Paris, where we went for long walks through winding cobblestone alleyways.

A friend of mine -- married for five years -- recently told me that she felt "bored" with her marriage. It might feel like boredom - same thing every day, nothing ever happens. But really, I think it's a lack of connection, even a pushing away. A non-sharing state. She said this without a shred of self-consciousness, like a reporter, who could only watch from the side and tell what she saw. I was riveted by her confession, because she is an intensely interesting -- and interested -- person.

What are the key forces that impact passion in a marriage? Answer: In my experience, the major variables affecting marital passion are a sense of wonder and newness, coupled with a strong desire to please the other.

Love - - What is it? First, let me tell you what it isn't. It's not a something we fall in or out of. It's not a dreamy, blissful state where all fears, doubts, and worries melt away as we merge into one flesh. And it's not those glorious first moments of your first love when you were swept away in a wave of ecstasy. I know that's what the music industry and Hollywood would like us to believe. It's interesting how we use language. Think about this - "we fall in love." Fall means to stumble, trip, lose your balance and be out of control.

The most boring thing about my marriage is that my husband and I almost never have time to do anything "just for fun." There are lots of things that we do together. We go to weddings, bar mitzvahs and school plays. We shop for furniture and choose paint colors. Yes, sometimes we try and grab a few moments. But our idea of going out is sitting down in a restaurant together after going shopping for a bed.

I told my husband the name I came up with for my column. "Trenches?" He looked a bit hurt. "Is this combat?" Hmmm, no. But it is sometimes a battle -- to keep the wonder from slowly leaking out of our union, our own identities afloat, and our feet firmly planted on the ground, all at the same time. Hopefully, though, we'll never be bored if we are in the foxhole together. * * * * * Getting Down-- to the Heart of the Matter I remember riding a bus with my husband as a married couple of two weeks, both of us barely twenty years old. We were groping at one another and whispering and giggling and, in general, acting like idiots.

The party was over at about 2:00 a.m., because I ended it. My hosts were both about two tequilas away from total liver failure. So I turned off the music, turned on the lights, and started the whole crew cleaning up. There had only been about a dozen of us left, the die-hard revelers. I was high on music, drunk on pheromones, and a bit daiquiri-happy, but relatively lucid. The rest of them were absolutely smashed. So there we were, a bunch of thirty-something, married-with-kids suburbanites, dirty dancing and smoking and lying on the icy lawn.

I can't say that boredom is a problem in my marriage. Although we are locked into more than one ceaseless conflict, and enact the same script in some matters, for some reason, no matter how repetitive and trivial the matter, I always find it dramatic. For example, I want my husband to help me in the kitchen after dinner and he wants to sit. For some reason, we are unable to find a compromise. We have fought about this matter periodically for 15 years. One would think we would get tired. But no, I am always ready to engage in this conflict as though it were interesting. He may get tired of it, but me, I always think of it as a drama of life and death proportions, with me playing a victim or a martyr or, on the other hand, a heroine who wins cooperation.

I remember riding a bus with my husband as a married couple of two weeks, both of us barely twenty years old. We were groping at one another and whispering and giggling and, in general, acting like idiots. We weren't drunk; we just couldn't get home fast enough to put out the fire in our pants. Those days, thankfully, are gone. Those days, sadly, are over.