Feelings

Have you read the monologue: The Unbearable Agony of Being Lost in Love yet?

Reading this monologue, my heart really goes out to Chelsea. Fourteen can be a tough age. We know that the teenage years are full of strong emotions, and Chelsea is not unusual in being totally consumed by these feelings of love for a guy she has never even talked to.

Chelsea is 14 years old and totally "in love" with a guy in her class. But is she obsessed? I think I must be totally, completely in love. It's no crush this time. It's a feeling that burns me up. Whenever I see him, I feel like a volcano is erupting inside and hot, molten lava is going to pour out of my mouth and ears and then everyone will see. And everyone will know. And he will know. We're studying Romeo and Juliet at school.

I don't know if I have a problem. Sometimes I get really depressed and I can't stop crying, (this usually happens at night). In the morning I always feel better. I always have thoughts of suicide no matter what. Do you think this is a problem? - Sad One

I am so alone. Lucky there's a VCR in my room. I can watch Shakespeare in Love and watch Gyneth Paltrow fall in love. Nobody would fall in love with me, that's for sure. Ever. I wish Mom would let the cleaning lady in my room. She says that I have to clean it up since it's so disgusting. I should deal with it. Well it's not so easy. I'm too tired. Where do I start? I feel like I'm in a fog, a cloud I can't get out of. When I move, the air surrounds me like I'm walking through blue exhaust from a trailer truck.

Amanda is probably an O.K., pretty well put together kid. How do I know that? Because although she's hurting inside, 1) she is in school and not at home in a panic and 2) you don't hear her complaining about how miserable she was the year before in school. I think she's going to be O.K. Yes, Amanda is suffering and feels alone and confused. But a lot of kids like Amanda don't realize that some pain and confusion go hand in hand with growing up and trying to fit into the world. Amanda is dealing with questions like: * "Do people like me?" * "What do kids think of me?" * "Am I boring or ugly or dumb?" * "Will I ever be popular?" * "Should I try and change my personality?" I'm sure that many of you out there have asked these very same questions.

My dad and I get into so many stupid little fights its not funny. Sometimes I feel like I'm nothing but a punching bag for him to take out his anger on. My mom and I get along great but sometimes it gets a little ugly, but we work it out. With my dad, I can hold a grudge forever. My mom tells me that his parents were really strict and hard on him, but I don't think he should take it out on me.

Amanda, 13 1/2, is not one of the "in" kids whom everyone wants to sit next to. "What's wrong with me," she's wondering, "and how will I deal with the anxiety of the first day?" I always hate the first day of school. Not the shopping part - that I like. It's fun to get new clothes and shoes. And I love wrapping all my books so everything looks perfect, and getting all the new notebooks and pens, and cool erasers. But I hate thinking about who I'm gonna sit near.

Dean, age 17, is having trouble with his family. He feels that they are stifling his freedom, and he wishes they would leave him alone.

Juliet is 16 years old. She is sitting on her bed, with a razor in her hand. I can't believe I'm going to do this again. I thought it was over - everything was going so well. My scars are almost white, not that angry pink they were for so long. I thought I was feeling OK now. But then it just rises up again, this terrible anger. And then - nothing. Like I'm so angry, I go numb.

That feeling of being overwhelmed by fatigue, and unable to drum up the energy to do anything is a real sign of depression. If it continues for more than a short while it's time to pay attention. If you have a friend that has been in a funk for more than a few weeks, or if you yourself are unable to shake off that "absolutely no energy for anything" state, it is time to turn for help. Moodiness and low energy levels are certainly typical of many teens, for short periods of time, every now and again. For Mom to think that her daughter or son is just lazy and moody, and not to pay serious attention to what is really going on, is a mistake.

Juliet is suffering silently from self-injury syndrome, something that most sufferers suffer alone, and in shame. While some experts have seen self-injury as similar to suicide, just stopping short of it, most see self-injury as a distinct entity. Why do people, and especially women and young women, engage in such activities ranging from hairpulling and cutting one's self to much more severe forms of self mutilation? For those of us who don't engage in this kind of activity it seems bizarre bordering on crazy.

Q: Hi, I am 13 and live in Covina Ca. I have been really depressed lately and often thought about suicide. I don't think that I could ever actually do it because I now how much it could hurt my friends, family, teachers and such. It's weird because I am a good student, always getting a 3.5 GPA or above, am pretty popular, am also on good terms with my teachers and love school, yet through all the good stuff I am always unhappy.

I can certainly see Leon's point. He has me convinced that his parents are unreasonable tyrants. But, whoops, wait a minute. Maybe they aren't quite so bad? Leon's anger is understandable, and not unusual during the teenage years. Find me a teenager who gets along with his parents all the time.

Ever since the Columbine tragedy in Colorado the subject of teen anger out of control is on every parent's mind. How can the teenager be helped to express his or her emotions in a constructive way? Anger and aggression are a part of life but the hormonal edge of this age group may sometimes lead to forms of behavior that are scary at best, horrific at worst. Even when the emotional life of teenagers does not tend toward violence, parents often wonder how best to help their kids in this turbulent period.

My friend Jonathan can watch as much TV as he wants. But I get an hour a night. I can't even watch a movie. And meanwhile they stay up and watch a movie after I'm in my room. Is that fair? No -- it's not. They treat me like it's the Dark Ages. They don't want me to read magazines, for God's sake, if they've got articles on sex in them. When my father gets mad at me, if I yell at him he kind of pushes me into my room. I want to push him right back. Mom never stops him.

What on earth is going on?! Violent and bloody acts have plagued U.S. schools in recent years. Teenagers in Junior High and High Schools have been lashing out at their peers and teachers, gunning down tens of people, injuring and killing them. Since 1992, there have been 220 violent deaths on school grounds, an average of 37 per year (there have been 34 this year so far).

We moved across country two years ago and our 16-year-old daughter still hasn't forgiven us for it. She blames us for uprooting her and she misses her friends terribly. Because she was very attached to her friends, we promised her before we came that she could go back summers. As the summer approaches and she prepares to leave, the pain of separation from her old friends seems to surface even more. She has good friends here but she seems fixated on the fact that we've uprooted her. I want to let her express her feelings, but I feel she becomes abusive. Is it a mistake to keep sending her back? How can we help her resolve this painful issue?

The late Erma Bombeck, one of America's funniest columnists and author of quite a few dissertations on the humor of life, knew the importance of laughter. "If I could live my life over," she once wrote, "I would have laughed more." People who laugh are pleasant to be with; pull a long face all day, and you will soon notice that others try to keep out of your way. Laughing speaks of humor and the importance of laughter can never be underestimated. It is a part of life. On the scientific front, laughter makes for good health.

Stress! Not enough and life is dull and boring. Too much and you feel like you're going to jump off the deep end. I asked a group of teenagers what they do when they're too stressed out for comfort. Here are some of their suggestions: Exercise. Nothing beats a good workout to let off steam. Michelle likes to run. "It's free, I can do it anywhere, and when I'm done I always feel better." Basketball, aerobics, biking, swimming and walking are also popular. According to Jack, nothing beats karate. "I take all my frustration out on the punching bag. I punch it, kick it, and yell. It gets the anger out.

My first day of high school was probably the worst day of my life. My parents were forcing me to attend a prep school 45 minutes from my home. Out of a class of 110 incoming freshmen, I knew no one. Not a single person. I had spent the last eight years in a class with 30 kids; I had not had to make a new friend at school since the first grade. I don't think I have ever felt as lonely as I did that day, before or since. So of course I entered school that first day with a massive chip on my shoulder.

Pressure. It's a combination of events and factors, a sort of vicious cycle. All the adults are running around trying to create the lives they've always dreamed of. As we progress, we tend to become more materialistic, selfish and greedy, and we forget the joy of simple living. We all want something for nothing, so we look for better ways, faster ways, whatever, to go higher, earn more, buy more. We don't realize that meanwhile we're actually tiring ourselves out mentally and physically.

I need ten hands or two bodies or another leg or something or somebody to help me get through all of this. Mrs. Nodiff gave us a report on the effects of democratic policy on the urban dweller in the former Soviet Republic. Like I care. And I have to do a report in English on the psychology of Stephen Dedalus in Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.

The night before the first day of school, I couldn't sleep. I was too busy worrying. First of all, I worried about what I was going to wear. I wanted to wear something nice, something that set the tone for the year, something that made me feel good.

What is it like your first year of high school? Do the teachers go easy on you or are they pretty strict? Do kids pick on the freshmen a lot? A Let me tell you, everyone getting ready to enter high school worries about this one! It's a brand new experience, so it can bring anticipation and anxiety. To be honest, the way things will go differs from school to school. The best way to find out is ask someone who's gone to the school you will be going to.

Celene, 15, just lost her father to cancer. She is having trouble coping with the sadness, and the guilt she feels for not having done more while he was alive... I went shopping for Reeboks, and my father was dying of cancer. What was I thinking? He gave me money and I went out and went to the mall and bought myself sneakers, and he was lying in bed. He could hardly get out of bed. I bought Urban Decay nail polish. And I met Charlie and I had Chinese food with him.

Imagine the world without guilt. I'm sure there would be many people that wouldn't change, due to their impeccable characters and strong moral fibers. But I'd venture to say that a large majority of the planet, without a second thought, would do whatever felt good. Scenario: Chaos. In my opinion, guilt is among the only things that keeps our society in normal working order. If not for our guilty consciences, we would bring destruction upon ourselves. Call me conservative, but I really think it's true. I've felt "guilt pangs" in the past, but I'll never forget the one time that I felt truly guilty.

Losing a parent, at any age, is difficult and painful. It clearly marks the "end of innocence" for us as children. Our aloneness and vulnerability become painfully clear. Most of us face this emptiness as a natural consequence of our own aging process. Usually the tragedy and loss of one's parent is forestalled until such a time as we have created alternate sources for our unconditional love, which often help us to put the pain into some sort of 'acceptable' perspective.

My friend Elaine is 36 years old but she has not yet learned to sit. She can stand, occasionally, but generally, she's in motion. She is chasing her two-year-old, wiping chocolate off her four-year-old daughter's lovely face, or teaching her seven-year-old to ride a bike or her nine-year-old to jump rope. She is outside with them all afternoon, or inside, baking or doing projects. When the kids go to sleep, Elaine cleans or paints something. Thursday nights, she cooks two full meals (feasts, really) for her frequent weekend guests.

Dear WholeDad, Hi! I'm a 13-year-old girl and the youngest of 5. My father passed away six years ago. It didn't seem to bother me then but now it does. I really miss him more now than ever. Is this normal??? Katie Dear Katie, I would think that what you are experiencing is absolutely normal. At the age of seven, the level of maturity of most kids is nowhere near that which it takes to comprehend and process the tragedy of a loss as great as losing a father.