Confused_46
Junior Member
Posts: 2
From:
Registered: Apr 2000 posted April 10, 2000 11:58 PM
I don't know if when I go to the doc for the"first time" do they HAVE to tell you r parents if you're sexually active? I want to know
Bubbles
Senior Member
Posts: 522
From: Worcester, England
Registered: posted April 11, 2000 06:06 AM
No. Because whatever u discuss is confidential. But just out of curiosity, how old are you?
crissy crissysaver
Senior Member
Posts: 209
From: Haw RIver, North Carolina, United States Registered: Feb 2000 posted April 11, 2000 07:12 AM
Yeah, how old are you????
crissysaver
Senior Member
Posts: 209
From: Haw RIver, North Carolina, United States Registered: Feb 2000 posted April 11, 2000 07:13 AM
Yeah, how old are you???? Being sexually active takes responisbility and maturity! And since you don't want your parents to know then I'm taking it you are to young and not responsible enough for sex!
Confused_46
Junior Member
Posts: 2
From:
Registered: Apr 2000 posted April 11, 2000 03:54 PM
I am 17, I know that I should've gone there when I turned 16 but I didn't. I just was curious to know if the doc is going to tell my parents that I'm sexually active.
crissysaver
Senior Member
Posts: 209
From: Haw RIver, North Carolina, United States Registered: Feb 2000 posted April 11, 2000 05:18 PM
Just don't go to your family doctor or anything, they have the little planned parenthood thingies and your parents don't find out.
Diana
Senior Member
Posts: 64
From:
Registered: Mar 2000 posted April 11, 2000 07:33 PM

It's the doctor, so it's confidential, but your parents will see the bills and the insurance forms. Keep that in mind. Diana
Megan Lum
Senior Member
Posts: 368
From: Steilacoom, WA, USA
Registered: Feb 2000 posted April 11, 2000 07:53 PM
When my doctor asked if I was sexually active, she assured me that my parents wouldn't have to know. But I'm not, so Brownie Points to me! So don't worry about it. ------------------ I'm so ****ing happy, I could die. - "Nice Guys Finish Last," Green Day [This message has been edited by Megan Lum (edited April 11, 2000).]
Goth Nightfaerie
Junior Member
Posts: 15
From: UK
Registered: Mar 2000 posted April 12, 2000 09:53 AM
Why brownie points to you for not being in a sexual relationship?? You make it sound like it's a bad thing?? But,what's wrong with being sexually active if it's with someone you absolutely love and trust more than anything/anyone?? One night stands may be frowned upon by some people (I would **NEVER** do it,but if people want to and are happy with that, then I'm not gonna start having a go at them!)but, what can you see wrong with a happy/healthy sexual relationship!!!! Megs........sorry if I sound kinda ****ed at you, I **PROMISE** I'm not. I'm just venting really, as my 'rents went schizo when they found out me and my boyfriend were having sex. They only went craaaaaazy coz they found out he was bisexual and said something long the lines of "we suggest you strongly consider getting rid of him", now this would have meant throwing away about 5 months (the best five months of my life)of relationship with the only person that cares about me in the world!!!! I used to be so ****e up before he kinda made it his challenge to look after me!!! I was makin myself sick sick everyday, heavily into SI, OD'ing on whatever I could find, running away..........all this has either stopped or has been greatly reduced, the only thing that remains to be sorted now, is the SI thing.
~GNF~
------------------
"Buildings burn, people die, but real love lives forever" ~ The crow
crissysaver
Senior Member
Posts: 209
From: Haw RIver, North Carolina, United States
Registered: Feb 2000 posted April 12, 2000 02:58 PM

What is wrong with being sexually active???? Sex is for adults who love each other, not for children/teenagers who think they know what love is!!
supersuzi1
Senior Member
Posts: 301
From:
Registered: Feb 2000 posted April 12, 2000 03:58 PM
Amen, Crissy! Might I also add that sex is intended for married couples, not just whoever you are dating at the moment. I'm not condemning anyone for being sexually active, but these are my views.
[This message has been edited by supersuzi1 (edited April 12, 2000).]
Senior
Member
Posts: 522
From: Worcester, England
Registered: posted April 12, 2000 06:19 PM GNF,
i don't think megan was saying "thumbs up to me" for not being sexually active. i took it as meaning there were no problems.. thumbs up. y'know? it's weird how much we seem to have in common. i've also been with my boyfriend, andi, for 5 months and in those 5 months he has given me so much respect for myself. I had and still have a few self destructive habits, but I'm getting there My parents and i don't really talk about sex related issues concerning Andi and I. i think there is just a "knowing". I talk to my mum about who my best friends are shagging and my dad seems pretty wised up.. although, when i went to sweden with my boyf recently, he apparantly confided to his girl friend that he hoped we were in seperate bedrooms. *grins* ah well. anyway, about what suzi said, i don't believe in Marriage. I never have done. I do not see how it can complete a reltaionship.. to me it seems more a form of insecure love. Nearly all the people in my family and extended are divorved. 1 in 3 marriages fail anyway. Marriage may have had a real purpose once, but it certanly doesn't now. I do believe, however, that True Love waits.. and whether you're in a marriage or not, sex is definatly something that should be sacred and not rushed.
------------------ I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're never gonna keep my down.
~Chumbawumba
Megan Lum
Senior Member
Posts: 368
From: Steilacoom, WA, USA
Registered: Feb 2000 posted April 12, 2000 07:33 PM
Sex is a way to express your love for someone. I can understand how Suzi can say it's just for married couples, because I guess that's what the good ol' Bible says. But I still think it's okay if you really love that person. And as long as you don't do it for the sole purpose of being able to say you aren't a virgin anymore. I didn't mean to imply I was... whatever you thought. I don't know, exactly. I just meant there's no issues with my parents about me being sexually active, because I'm not. And most people would consider me to be a goody-two-shoes because of that. So I was being sarcastic when I said that. Sorry you took it the wrong way.
------------------
I'm so ****ing happy, I could die.
- "Nice Guys Finish Last," Green Day
[This message has been edited by Megan Lum (edited April 12, 2000).]
Bubbles
crissysaver
Senior Member
Posts: 209
From: Haw RIver, North Carolina, United States
Registered: Feb 2000 posted April 12, 2000 08:43 PM
I'm never having sex agian, its the worse thing in the world to me, there are so many children in this world who need homes, I will adopt children.
sarae
Senior Member
Posts: 151
From:
Registered: posted April 13, 2000 04:52 AM
I would be really interested on reading well-thought out posts about this topic - your reactions so far have been very interesting. Like: WHY is / isn't it worth it to wait until marriage / adulthood? When is it OK to start having sex? Why? What are the possible risks, other than the obvious? What are the benefits? Which outweighs the other? Is sex something to be discussed with parents? Why or why not? Is society richer or poorer since unmarried sex became so acceptable? Are teens happier or less hapy? Why? What does sex mean to you? To your friends? Stuff like this. I'd be interested to have your thoughts on these and any other questions you come up with. This isn't like an assignment or anything, but I think it's a great clarification exercise, and might be alot of fun, and certainly illuminating. If you'd like my personal input / experience, let me know.
Sara
snuffleupagus
Junior Member
Posts: 1
From:
Registered: Apr 2000 posted April 13, 2000 02:42 PM
i am 20 years old and i truly believed that one should wait until they were married until they had sex. but well i am not so sure anymore. i have been going out without a breakup or anything with the same guy for over four years. we starting having sex about a month before our four year anniverssary. do you consider this wrong. i don't believe in sleeping around and i don't want to have a whole whack of partners or even anyone else. i love my b/f very much and it felt right. i told him that if we were to have sex it would be with someone that i hoped to be with for a very long time. he knew that before we had sex and he understood that it was something extrememly important to me. obviously b/c i wouldn't do it before then. i think that it would suck if i had waited until i was married. i plan on finishing my first degree next april and i have to get another one. i can't get married before i finish school cause that would suck and by then i will be 25... who can go that long? i am definitely not a nymph but if sex is suppose to be sooo good why should we have to wait. i haven't told my parents cause i don't want them to think about it. mental pictures are not needed!!! neither of us had had sex before. and i know that for a fact. we don't have to worry about any std's which could be a major problem for some. i am on the pill and we use condoms. insurance does cover it but i simply don't use my parents insurance card. i went to a drug store that doesn't have my record on file and paid for it myself. i went to the doctor at my university and got all the info. so yeah it is a complicated issue but as long as you are responsible about it and are ready for it why not?
Bubbles
Senior Member
Posts: 522
From: Worcester, England
Registered: posted April 13, 2000 03:14 PM
cool! a chance for discussion. sara, i think it would be a great idea for you to answer these questions yourself too. U don't very often express your views that much. Here are my opinions. Like: WHY is / isn't it worth it to wait until marriage / adulthood? 1st, if i believed in Marriage, i might well be one of the ones who says "stay pure until your wedding day". But i don't - for many reasons. Marriage is another subject within itself really. I DO think sex, its risks, and its dent to your emotional well-being should be thought out completely prior to having it. When is it OK to start having sex? Why? it is "OK" when u feel ready, trust your partner completely and have talked it through with them. The law says a girl must wait until she is 16 b4 she sleeps with a bloke. Thats OK - some girls are mature enough by then, but a lot aren't, and they shouldn't let the law influence them that much. What are the possible risks, other than the obvious? What are the benefits? Which outweighs the other? Other than the obvious risks of unwanted pregnancy and STD's, there are all the emotional factors to consider. If u have sex too young, you face a larger risk of regretting it later. Fact. Also, if u disrespect yourself and sleep with lots of people, your self esteem reflects that of a dustbin and you're and branded a slut. I have a really close friend who has slept with 17 people at the grand ole' age of 16 and tells me she feels she doesn't deserve any better. It's going to take her a very long time to regain that self respect those men have taken away from her. Benefits are .. i don't know how to word this, but i think it seals a relationship somehow. It gives the 2 partners the chance to be ultimatly close and share something no one else can. The question as to which outways the other depends on the individual and how many benefits and risks they can find for themselves.Is sex something to be discussed with parents? Why or why not? I don't discuss sex with my parents.. not really... it's none of their business. When i started going out with andi, my dad made stupid jokes about the clothes i was wearing "Why not just wear the cotton trousers? After all, they're easier to pull down." he was just joking. he's like that. I can't talk to him about sex, but i feel i could maybe approach my mum if i had questions or worries. I only really talk to them about my friends sex lives. Its funny, one of my best friends Jess made herself a boyfriend last October when she was visiting me, and now, instead of coming to stay with me, she only stays with him. She recently told her mum she was sleeping with him ( shes also told him his age, which is 25) and next time she came down here, her mum quietly told her to open her bag. She did, and her mum slipped a box of condoms in it and then started laughing. Jessica was a little taken aback and asked her what was so funny. her mum replied "hehe.. i'm just imagining you in an Orgie!!" I thought this was quite an unusual reaction. I guess all parents have different ways of handling it. Is society richer or poorer since unmarried sex became so acceptable? Are teens happier or less hapy? Why?I have no clue. I think teens would be happier because it gives them more freedom.. but more emotionally unstable because they have the chance to make more mistakes. What does sex mean to you? To your friends? This is interesting. To my friends, it is one of the main topics of conversation along with alcohol, drugs, parties and parents. No one is a virgin these days. I have maybe 3 friends that are.. it's sad. To me personally, i don't know. I'm really not that bothered about it.. my boyfriend is keener than i am. He's almost 23. He's had more experience than i have. Sometimes i feel out of my depth.
crissysaver
Senior Member
Posts: 209
From: Haw RIver, North Carolina, United States Registered: Feb 2000 posted April 13, 2000 04:01 PM
Ok this is kinda funny but a couple of months ago my mom sat down with me and my sister Heather who is 17, I am 16 but at the time I was 15, anyways, she said she wasn't going to be the kind of parent that was going to hide in the dark while me and Heather were saying please be parent in the dark. We were so uncomfortable, we kept looking at each other really funny, I made this comment, i said mom we don't need this sex talk, this is why we have HBO. My mom didn't even laugh at that she is just to mature! It was werid but I'm glad that Heather was with me! I can't talk to either one of my parents about sex, its just to embarrasing. My dad won't talk about sex in front of my me or my sisters directly but he did once make a monica lewinskey joke back with all that happened, i just looked at my sister Sammy and we started laughing, in total shock that our dad made a sex joke! And don't you just hate it when your watching a movie with your parents and something about sex is going on? I hate that, me and my friend Kristen were watching the Newly Wed game with my mom and they started asking sex questions and my mom was laughing and we were looking at each other wanting to laugh so bad! Well I am not mature as most of you can tell already but I have had sex before. I was raped back in December and a couple of weeks after that, since I felt like a dirty whore i slept with the guy i was going out with b/c i was afraid of losing him! Well it didn't make our relationship any btter and I still feel like a dirty whore! Sex and children are not a part of my future as far as I can see, I'm considering adoption! crissy*
Bubbles
Senior Member
Posts: 522
From: Worcester, England
Registered: posted April 13, 2000 04:16 PM
my dad's idea of "the talk" was "Emma, when i was your age there were only 3 things i was interested in. Drinking, Fighting, and Shagging. I hope you'll only be doing the 1st when we go away this weekend." i was like... sober up.
Megan Lum
Senior Member
Posts: 368
From: Steilacoom, WA, USA
Registered: Feb 2000 posted April 13, 2000 07:46 PM
Why is/isn't it worth it to wait until marriage/adulthood? If you wait until you are married to have sex, it's a lot more special. You would have been saving yourself only for your life-partner, and there would be no emotional baggage as far as sex goes. If you wait until you are an adult, that's alright, too. As long as you're preared for the responsibility that comes with sex, go right ahead. It's totally worth it to wait until adulthood or marriage, but if you find someone you love before you reach either of those, I think it's okay to have sex, as long as you know what you're getting into and you both fully agree to it. When is it OK to start having sex? Why? As far as I'm concerned, you can have sex whenever you know for certain you're ready. The right age and time varies from person to person. I don't think you can set just one basic rule for everyone. People mature emotionally, physically, and mentally at different rates, therefore it is unfair to make a standard age for when they are ready for sex. You, and only you, will kow when you are ready. What are the possible risks, other than the obvious? What are the benefits? Which outweighs the other? One of the main risks of sex is STD's. But another that most people don't even consider until after they've had sex is the emotional responsibility. If you have sex with someone you aren't committed to, you can end up feeling hurt or regretful or violated. The benefits of sex are that you can step up a notch in your relationship with your partner, you will feel more mature, and your love for your partner will very likely be heightened. Neither outweighs the other. Risks and benefits should be considered before doing anything, but especially sex. Is sex something to be discussed with parents? Why or why not? My parents never gave me "the talk." I found out for myself through the media and older friends when I was about 7 years old. Personally, I'd have hated it for my parents to talk to me about sex. I think it would be incredibly embarrassing, for both my parents and myself. I just can't imagine myself ever talking to my parents about sex. It would just be too weird. Is society richer or poorer since unmarried sex became so acceptable? Are teens happier or less happy? Why? I think society has gone way down since premarital sex has been accepted. People consider sex to be purely a recreation, rather than an expresion of love. Teens might be happier since they are free to have sex when they think they are ready. What does sex mean to you? To your friends? I think sex is sort of a "sacred" thing. It's hard to explain. I wouldn't want to have sex with just anyone. I'd have to be in love with him first, and even then it might take me a little bit to get my emotions in check. I wouldn't want to rush into sex and later on regret it. My friends and I talk about our views on sex a little bit. For the most part, we have the same views. But some are more strict than I am, and think sex is only for married couples. Others are more liberal and think sex can be for anyone, anytime. ------------------I'm so fucking happy, I could die. - "Nice Guys Finish Last," Green Day
shenita
Junior Member
Posts: 8
From: atlanta Ga
Registered: Apr 2000 posted April 14, 2000 10:15 AM
quote: Originally posted by Megan Lum: Sex is a way to express your love for someone. I can understand how Suzi can say it's just for married couples, because I guess that's what the good ol' Bible says. But I still think it's okay if you really love that person. And as long as you don't do it for the sole purpose of being able to say you aren't a virgin anymore. I didn't mean to imply I was... whatever you thought. I don't know, exactly. I just meant there's no issues with my parents about me being sexually active, because I'm not. And most people would consider me to be a goody-two-shoes because of that. So I was being sarcastic when I said that. Sorry you took it the wrong way. I won't say don't have sex before marriage, but i will say that it is beter in the long run that you wait. I've had many sex partners and now im marreid and i wish like hell that we both had waited but i did'nt know him and he didn't know me when we stared having sex. sex is something precious and beautiful when its right. but just to be having sex with many didferent people wears and tear at you emotions and even your body. In todays society you want to be extra caref ul because of the diseases and the medicine they have to treat them. Thats right to much penncilin and other medicine can be bad for especially when scientist are still just testing these medicines. Sex is nothing to play with so you should talk to your parents about it may be they can help amke a decision who should be your first. The down side to having sex with differnt partners is how you feel afterwards. Example: I just had sex with john three months ago now im dating brian and im about to let him jump up and down in me. I feel nasty, unpure and used. Most of the time as a teenager relationships don't last very long. so why waist your precious gift on somone who may not even recognize you at the class reunion
sarae
Senior Member
Posts: 151
From:
Registered: posted April 16, 2000 05:02 AM
I'm glad this topic picked up.
There seems to be a consensus that casual sex isn't healthy emotionally. I agree.
Bubbles (Emma) you asked for my opinion. Here goes. I agree that the many risks associated with sex - and the nature of it's potential power - make it a matter not to be taken at all lightly. Also, because it can be such an amazing experience for a couple to get closer, or alternately, be used as such a terrible weapon (Crissy knows about this, unfortunately), going into sex you have to be totally aware of what it can do not only to your body, but to your emotions and sense of self. A lot of you noted this. Not many people are "together" enough with themselves as teens to start letting someone else in on their sense of self. I think that this is a great reason to wait - until a time when you at least think you know who you are and where you are going, more or less (which never happens totally, but...) and are in a comitted, safe relationship, and mature enough to deal with all consequences and eventualities....such as it doesn't work right the first (or second or third) time, or you get an infection, or he dumps you, or you realize you don't love him, or you realize you do, or whatever. Many partners complicates things, I think, because you can never get it totally out of your head. You are always wondering about ex-lovers, in a way that can not be good for your current relationship. It's a dangerous game, and it destabilizes everything. People may think that I'm taking it all too seriously, but your answers refelect that many teens seem to also take sex pretty seriously. As many of you seem to, I also disagree with the "just do it because it feels good" attitude...I think many things feel good that are not good FOR you. Anyway, I agree with Megan that the proliferation of sex everywhere has had a negative impact on society....I think nothing is pure anymore...like little girls dressing seductively and sitting around and waiting to be sexy women instead of climbing trees...it's sad. To me, sex is total sharing of everything that is you with someone else. I think that if you can't be eye to eye with your partner, in the light, while having sex, you shouldn't be having it. If you can, and do, I think it is incredibly vulnerable and bonding, and can stay that way if you stick to one partner. BUT I am against being personally judgemental and labeling people sluts or whatever. This kind of holier than thou attitude never helps anyone. Oh...and regarding parents... When I was a teen (not too long ago..I'm 26) I also hated even being in the same room with my parents when something sexy was on tv - Crissy - I remember that YUCK feeling like it was yesterday...in fact, there are still people with whom I will always feel uncomfortable watching that kind of stuff, because THEY feel uncomfortable and it makes me nervous - like - why are you uncomfortable? Like...whoop,,,what else is on ..let'ssee ....OK...basketball..perfect! Anyway, but now that I am a mom, I wish my kids, when they get old enough, will ask me questions instead of hearing about it from other little boys on the playground..because that information tends not to be too accurate. So if you have cool parents who are willing to discuss it, even if it's a bit embarrassing, it may be worth talking / listening becuase they may have something interesting to say... Definitely talk to an adult though, even a teacher or a friend's parent, because there's a lot of things that kind of surprise you and it's better to know than to guess... That's it, I guess....
Sara
p.S. Feel free to disagree with me...I welcome discussion and I do not want deferrential treatment at all...
S