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Sunday, 29 May 2011

Pained After Parent's Divorce

Written by  Erin Donovan

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QHello. I know my parents have only been divorced for 4 months, but I am still hurt over it. At first I was like "sure, this won't bother me, I won't let it", but lately, it has. And in fact, only about 5 to 6 of my friends know about it so far. And see, my mom's been dating this guy, and I dislike him an awful lot, because I guess I just don't like his lifestyle. He dresses like a hick, wears cowboy boots, and doesn't have a very good job. And see, I live in like the "rich" part of my city (even though we really aren't that rich) and so, it's embarrassing to have friends whose parents are perfect, and drive a Lexus, and then to look at your own family and go, "gosh, why couldn't I be more like them." I know it might sound like I am a rich snob or something, but I am nothing of the sort! I just don't want to have my mom get married again, especially to this guy. My story could keep on going on forever, but I just felt like talking about this, because it has really been bothering me, thanks for listening.

AIt sounds like there are a lot of changes going on in your life right now. Sadly, divorce has become a pretty common thing, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. It's understandable that you'd have bitter feelings towards this new guy your mom is dating. It's only been a couple months since the divorce, which you are probably not used to yet, let alone having to get used to another guy dating your mom! It can seem very awkward.

Even if this guy were a wonderful guy, you would probably still have a hard time adjusting to him right now. It wasn't your decision to have your parents split, and you may be thinking "Why should I have to adjust to anything?" and that can make you feel angry, bitter, or just plain confused.

Whatever you are feeling is alright. Your feelings are real, and you need an outlet for them. Have you thought about or talked with your mom about the two of you (or if you have any sisters or brothers) going to a counselor? It could help you understand and let out a lot of these emotions welling up inside of you. It could probably help your mom to understand you better, too. If she doesn't want family counseling, maybe seeing a counselor by yourself could help just as much.

Your friends could be more support than you realize right now. Is it something you are not ready to talk about and that's why you haven't told a lot of your friends? Or do you feel that they won't understand? I really encourage you to talk to a couple of your friends about what you are going through. Have any of your friend's parents gotten divorced? Even if they have not been through what you are going through, just having someone listen to you can really ease your burden of keeping this all inside.

In the meantime, why don't you write down how you are feeling in a journal. Even if you aren't sure what you are feeling or what to say, just write down the thoughts you are having. It can really help you to sort things out when you write, or when you go back later to read over what you've written.

It can look like others have it so much better than you, especially when you are having to endure something like this. But, never underestimate what people have to walk through in their own shoes. People don't always speak up about the hardships they are having, and when you are looking from the outside in, it can look perfect. But looks are deceiving, and you never know - others might be envying you and your "easy" life. Maybe some of the very people you are envying yourself! Life deals out some hard knocks to everyone, and it takes time and patience to overcome. Faith and hope help a great deal as well, so if there is anyone you find encouraging or wise, go to them.

There's help out there, but it's up to us to find it. A lot of people are willing to help wherever they can, and will feel honored by the asking. Teachers, people at a Church or Temple, other kids, people at a local youth center.... there's people all over the place waiting to listen and help.

I wish you much strength and courage (but it seems like you already have that.)

See Crisis Center / Divorce


Last modified on Sunday, 29 May 2011 15:51
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Erin Donovan

Erin Donovan

Erin Donovan's contributions were written in the year before she began college, at which time she was WholeFamily's Senior Teen Advisor.

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