sexuality Teen

Dear WholeMom, My daughter is almost 17. I was cleaning her room and found a used pregnancy testing "stick". It was wrapped in a paper towel in a little used cabinet in her room. The upsetting thing about this is that this is a child who excels in school, will likely get a full scholarship to the school of her choice and never leaves the house without telling me she loves me. I have always talked to my children about sex, consequences as it relates to health, pregnancy and the sometimes emotional turmoil that early intimate relations can result in. My question is - do I tell her I found this - let it go - or what. She was away from home during Christmas and granted, I cleaned her room and closets and cabinets - this is her personal space - and I respect this - I did not expect to find this.

Dear WholeFamily Counselor, I have a 15-year-old daughter who seems to rather enjoy the company of older men.... some as much as seven years older. I believe this age gap at this young age is not acceptable. However, she feels she can have friends of any age. I don't think this is only a FRIEND! How can I convince her it is not a good idea and that the consequences could be devastating? She believes her older friends are totally harmless and would never do anything to hurt her, use or abuse her. I have explained how older MEN have been around and are quite capable of manipulating a young girl who has not been around, how they know just what to say to get what ever they want.

Our 14-year-old seems obsessed with sex. He spent a lot of time looking at sexual positions on the Internet until we forbade it. Now he does it at a friend's house. One day, he left his diary lying around open and I saw pages of crude, primitive descriptions of sex. Is this something to worry about? Is it normal behavior for this age? A Alan J. Flashman, MD, answers: Yes. However, the "fact" that it is normal is of little use to you. Let's try a few supplementary questions: Should I let him know that I am aware of his interests? I think so. Should I leave his sexual interest alone as his "private" business? After you talk with him, sure.

Chris, you're facing a real tough choice and I suggest you find someone who is understanding and wise; someone who can be both patient and helpful. Food for Thought Before You Go There "OK. So there you are. In a relationship. Maybe you are in love. You are definitely high on hormones, in a constant state of arousal. You feel the adrenaline pumping, your throat is dry. You don't need to eat or sleep. All you need is LUV, right?" You're dealing with heavy-duty stuff and you need to talk. And soon!! If there's a chance that your parents can be that "someone", then talk to them. Your parents may very well be the people who care most about you in this world.

Chris, 14, has a boyfriend, Rick, who wants to have sex with her. She doesn't think she wants to, but she's afraid she'll lose him. Rick keeps pushing me. I don't know if he's telling the truth - that they're all doing it... I mean, it's not exactly the kind of thing I can ask my friends in school, is it? Not even Dara. We're close, but not that close. I don't really want to, but he keeps saying if I love him, I should prove it. I'm happy with the way things are now. It feels good just to fool around and touch each other, and I like the kissing. Not so much when he tries to put his tongue in my mouth, that's kind of pushy. But I feel safe just having him hold me. I even let him put his hands under my blouse.