Take time to set up the proper mood for lovemaking. Music and wine helps. It is very important not to rush into lovemaking. Remember the mind is a powerful sexual organ. The right words and feelings will give her the message that you care about her. It will also have a very positive affect on your sexual relationship.
Take the risk to ask your wife what it is that she wants in your lovemaking. Don't assume that what turns you on turns her on. It's okay to ask her, "Do you enjoy what I am doing now?" "Does this give you pleasure?" "Please show me how I can give you pleasure." Your wife knows her body better than you. So, trust what she tells or shows you that will bring her pleasure. If you think about her and are attentive to her needs, I'm certain that she'll feel very cared for and appreciative of you.
If your husband responds positively to discussing your sexual relationship, then you're on your way to solving your problems. Not knowing your sexual history, I can't comment on your experience and knowledge about sexuality. One thing you should know is that very few couples intuitively know how to pleasure each other. To create a mutually satisfying and loving sexual relationship takes awareness and knowledge. The two of you need to spend time reading about sexual techniques. By doing so, you can learn the "what and how" of sexual pleasure. If you go to our Bookstore, you can find a number of excellent books on sexuality.
Like with the above couple, I would recommend that you spend time exploring each other's bodies. Ask each other what it is that is sexual stimulating. Demonstrate by taking your partner's hand and placing it on the exact pleasure spot. This is the best way to improve your sexual connection.
If your partner has certain inhibitions which she wants to overcome, let me suggest the following steps. You should know that one of the major obstacles to a mutually fulfilling sexual life is the feeling of being pressured and rushed.
- The first step then is to slow down. Try gently massaging your partner. If you find her tense, help her to relax by caressing her slowly. Communicate your love and caring through touch. The more you do that the more she'll be open to you.
- If she feels ready, talk together about your desires and fantasies. Remember the most powerful sexual organ is the mind.
- Read books and view videos together which can instruct you on how to add excitement to your sexual life. If you both agree, find a new sexual technique to experiment with. Again, don't go too fast. Constantly check with your partner if she's okay with what you're doing.
It takes time and commitment to develop a satisfying sexual relationship. Hang in there and you'll eventually succeed.