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Sunday, 08 May 2011

Advice From Coach Cuddlechuck: How Do I Ask a Girl Out?

Written by  Steve Cuddlechuck, PhD.

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QHi. I'm 15 and I've never had a date or even asked anyone out. There is this one girl named Sara (not her real name) that I like a lot but I don't know how to ask her out because I've had no experience with asking someone out on a date. I've kept running everything through my head to think of what I could do and I always get a good idea but whenever I even see her, my mind goes blank. I know it's not because of fear of rejection or something like that. I would do ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING for her, when I even look at her I get all weak in the knees and other things happen also.

My friend who had the same thing happen to him, says that this is true love. I would trust my life with him and he says I should ask Sara out and I want to but, I've never had any experience with this and I don't want to scare her away. So my question is how do I get her to go out with me?


Welcome to the Wide Wild World of Female Conquest, A practice dating back to the dawn of man. Initiation rites and hazing rituals are not necessary only because the sheer terror of the process is enough to break the strongest and most suave among us (e.g. the weak knees).

First take comfort in knowing that the feelings you're experiencing overall are normal and right on schedule in relation to your emotional development. The tricky part is - how to make sense of it all. Asking a girl out, whether for the first or the ninety-first time, can sometimes be scary or a little threatening. Whether you want to admit it or not, asking a girl out means facing the possibility of rejection and I don't know anyone who enjoys rejection. At the same time, that is probably the worst-case scenario; she'll say "No". Once you remind yourself that it can't be worse than that- it greatly lightens the stress you feel beforehand.

Before we think about girl-gettin' strategies you need to ask yourself, "Why do I want to ask this person out at all?" If you're seeing your friends pairing off, we may be looking at a peer pressure related situation. This is not a viable reason to ask anyone out.

If, however, you're seeing an individual who is worth getting to know better on a more personal level, then perhaps there may be just cause for your affections. I would be remiss if I didn't remind you that at 15, you need not feel rushed or pressured to start a new relationship. You have plenty of time to explore serious relationships further on down the road. For now, focus on building your existing platonic friendships.

If you are intent on taking this friendship to a new level, then you're starting off from a great foundation. On the flip side, it's also a risky starting point. Going from "friend" to "girlfriend" and back to "friend" is a transition more easily said than done and can carry serious repercussions if mishandled.

I suggest you very casually ask her out as you would any friend - only more often. If she mentions a movie she's been interested in seeing ...Guess what... that's the exact movie you've been wanting to see...Are you catching on? Ask her to meet before a school function for pizza, donuts, or coffee (really, don't drink coffee it was only an example), or invite her over for a video.

Here are three suggestions you can try. See which one suits you;

  1. Bite the bullet. Just take a breath, go up to her and tell her what you're thinking. There's certainly something to be admired about a guy who can swallow his pride and express what he's feeling no matter how embarrassing. Most girls recognize and appreciate this quality in a guy.
  2. Write her a letter/note. This is a safer yet perhaps more personal means of letting her know how you feel. You've done it once already when you wrote in to us so it should actually come easy for you. Simply address your amorous intentions to her, and be sure to let her know how she can respond. Perhaps via E-mail at first until you feel more at ease face to face.
  3. Mutual go-between. Enlist a trusted friend to feel out the possibility for you by asking her if she's open to meeting someone new.

Whatever you decide to do, I want to strongly remind you not to mistake an attraction or crush with love. While advice from your peers can be enlightening, please remember that everyone's experiences are different and personal to them. What may be true for one is not necessarily true for another.

Most importantly, I suggest you find a male adult you know with whom you can confide in. This can be your father, guidance counselor, trusted teacher, coach, older brother, or anyone who can give you a consistent and educated male perspective.

We wish you luck on your quest and remind you that the "asking out" is the easier part of the process. It's the "what do I do with her now?" part that gets messy.

All the best,

Coach Cuddlechuck

Last modified on Sunday, 08 May 2011 11:01
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Steve Cuddlechuck, PhD.

Steve Cuddlechuck, PhD.

Steve Cuddlechuck, PhD., is a native of Atlanta, Georgia, where he received his advanced degree in Anatomy and Kinesiology. (His undergraduate work was in Philosophy, but his parents urged him to "learn something useful".) He was teaching Anatomy at Pitt High School in Michigan (where he moved after marrying Charlene Bowers, the school's principal), when he realized that he'd rather be playing basketball. He's been coaching ever since, and sometimes even hands over the ball. Doc Cuddlechuck enjoys engaging in debates with his wife's three (single) brothers, who come over every Sunday to watch football and virtually eat him out of house and home.

(The above bio is a work of fiction. Coach Cuddlechuck is a composite of advice dispensing guys who wish they were that cool.)

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