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Monday, 18 September 2000

Welcome to Blended Families Community

Written by  Judy Slome

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When you blend families, you are performing alchemy: turning metal into gold. Your chances of success are better than the alchemists' of the Middle Ages and this community can make it even better. Each of us has to find our own formula, one day at a time. Just when you figure out one formula, new challenges will appear. Different metal to transmute into gold.

When you decided to move two families into one house, you were aware of the challenges and felt that each family would benefit from the merger.

But sometimes the view from inside makes us feel that everyone is losing. The loss of freedom of choice, loss of privacy, space, individuality and autonomy. Everything looks like plain old dirt.

How do you transform the minus into a plus? Mostly by re-framing the facts in your mind. (That's one way a forum such as this can help.) Also by choosing the forward moving path and letting go of setbacks.

When the going gets rough, you can get stuck in obsessively wondering if you've made a mistake. Remember, family is not a setback. Blended families lay the groundwork for freedom to move towards self-actualization, freedom to accomplish your goals. Focus on the freedoms and you've transmuted problems into assets.

Second time around marriages and families are families by choice based on experience and logic. They can be romantic too at times! But there's a lot to figure out. How wonderful to have support as close as your keyboard.

Right now, the community will consist of discussion boards, Q & A's and articles of interest to blended families. We want this to be YOUR community. So please write to us or post notices on the board telling us how you'd like to make this corner of the web work for you.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Last modified on Tuesday, 26 April 2011 03:10
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  • Comment Link Sunday, 25 May 2014 01:22 posted by Toby Klein Greenwald

    Hi Judy,
    It sounds like a perfect case for a family counselor. Creating a new family is never easy, and an outsider can help everyone learn how to delineate boundaries in order to give everyone the space s/he needs. Best of luck!
    Toby Klein Greenwald

  • Comment Link Wednesday, 21 May 2014 14:31 posted by Judy

    Our family became blended 4 years ago. I have three children (18,14 & 12) and my husband has a daughter already married. When we go married we moved into my husband's house where he had been a bachelor for 20 years. It had been rough on him adjusting to all of us and us to him. We tend to feel like we invaded his house and he doesn't want us and he feels like we don't respect him. There is turmoil all the time and it gets worse every year. I am not sure what to do

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Judy Slome

Judy Slome

Judy Slome is a certified nurse-midwife and blended family veteran.

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