emotionalreactions Early Childhood

Yesterday I was at a nursery school party. The children were sitting in a circle singing, and a woman I know called out to her daughter: Smile, Lila. The mother said to me: "She doesn't look happy. She's frowning." I thought back to all of the times I was dressed in my finest clothes, going somewhere special, and my mother had said to me: "Smile." Or all of those birthday parties my mother made for me where I felt like crying from all the overexcitment and was told: "Smile." The next time your child is unhappy, don't assume there's something wrong with him. Connect to him. Understand him. But don't deny his feelings.

Are there certain ages when kids start needing more involvement from their fathers? Lately, my five-year-old has been expressing anger when his father works late or goes out. How can we handle this? Guest Expert Yocheved Berlowitz, MD, answers: A: There is no specific age at which a child starts to need to his father. Even during infancy, if the mother is the primary caretaker, the father can be a familiar and contributing presence. Certainly by toddler age, the child appreciates that his father is different from his mother. For instance, fathers may encourage more active rough-and-tumble play than mothers. The role of each parent varies in individual families and in different cultures.

As any parent who has lived through the terrible two's knows, crying is a big part of a two-year-old's life. One day, I kept a log of my two-year-old's crying behavior. In the course of a typical day, he cries because: 8:05 a.m. - A rubber band with which he had been playing snaps against his hand. 9:25 a.m. - He bangs his bare foot into a kitchen chair. 11:50 a.m. - I have to take him away from a sink-full of bubbles and plastic dishes where he has been busily playing. 3:30 p.m - His older brother takes away a toy car that he threw at him. 4:14 p.m - He takes a straw out of big brother's soda can.

Dear WholeFamily Counselor, I am a 27 year old mother, worker and full-time student. I have a little girl who is three. My question is: How do you balance all of these things without one area lacking? (Especially my daughter and school work?) Any advice will be greatly appreciated.