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Saturday, 01 January 2000

Food for Thought Before You Go There

Written by  Sara Eisen

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OK. So there you are. In a relationship. Maybe you are in love. You are definitely high on hormones, in a constant state of arousal. You feel the adrenaline pumping, your throat is dry. You don't need to eat or sleep. All you need is LUV, right?

So you are getting ready to take the leap and have sex. If you think about it at all, rather than just doing it without thinking, your logic is probably something like this:

I'm really into this person.
This person is into me.
It would feel really good.
We will be careful.
None of that nasty stuff will happen to us.
Everyone is having sex. It's no biggie.
I don't want to die a virgin, and there's no time like the present.
What medal of honor will I get if I reach college without having had sex? I'll get laughed out of my dorm is more like it.
Might as well be now.
I feel so right about it.

Alright, so you have yourself convinced. Here are just a few things to think about before you do it:

  1. No one thinks they will get a nasty, itchy, burning rash from that lovely blonde from English class. (It's actually from your friend Dave, but hey, that's a bit too much information, right?) Point is, it can happen to you. And a rash is lucky. It could have been AIDS. Condoms help, but they are only little pieces of rubber. Tires are much thicker, and they go flat all the time.

  2. No one thinks they will get pregnant, certainly not the first time. But not thinking does not make you immune from the truth. Sperm are feisty guys. If there's a way to get through, they will find it. Be ready to be a parent (or to make some very tough decisions) before you introduce your zygotes to one another.

  3. Close the door to your bedroom. Make sure there is plenty of light in the room. Get undressed in front of the mirror. Stand there, naked, for ten minutes. Look at yourself from every angle. Can you handle the sight of your body? Or does this exercise make you feel shy or uncomfortable? Are you really ready to have sex?

    If you have to do it in the dark or through your fly or under your skirt, that is too pathetic for words. Wait until you are ready to deal with sex, skin on skin.

  4. Would you die if your parents or brother or favorite teacher found out? Will you die when you pass him or her in the hall? Will this be cool with you in ten hours from now? Ten days? Ten months? (Will you be a parent then?)

  5. Do you think this will cement your relationship? Uhh, Hello? Let's say you give a five-year-old a cookie so that he will want to eat his dinner. Will he have room for dinner? Or will he tell you he's not hungry any more?

    Life lesson numero uno: Giving a lot of yourself in order to make someone love you never works. In fact, lots of non-mutual giving usually pushes people away.

    Don't give it away so easy or so soon. There's nothing delicious about unripe fruit. Sometimes, it's downright nasty.

    The best way to cement a relationship is to make sure sex is out of the equation for a while. It tends to get in the way of other emotions, like sanity.

  6. What would you do if, after you have shared the most intimate moments of your life with someone, after they have seen every inch of your body, after they have seen how you look when you are in the throes of passion, what if that someone summarily dumps you in two weeks for your friend? How will you feel? Will you be able to handle it? Hope so, babe or bud. Because it happens every day.
Last modified on Monday, 11 April 2011 06:59
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Sara Eisen

Sara Eisen

Sara is a journalist and editor.

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