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Newsflash:
Monday, 30 May 2011

Is It OK for A 19-Year-Old Boy to Go Out With A 13-Year-Old Girl?

Written by  Erin Donovan

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QIs it ok for a 19-year-old to go out with a 13-year-old?

AI think that the maturity of a person plays a much more important factor in these situations than just basing it on the number of years someone has lived. For example, I've met some 14-year-olds that are way more mature than some 24- year-olds that I've met.

There are two important things to consider here, though, besides just your feelings for the person. First: You should discuss your situation with the younger person's parents. Yeah, I know, probably doesn't sound like that much fun, but a lot of parents get really freaked out (understandably!) by big differences in ages, and if you are keeping your relationship a secret from them it will only intensify their fear and anger.

So try to set up a nice dinner at the younger person's house with their parents (or your parents if you are the younger one) and let everyone get to know each other a bit. They will be way more impressed that you came to them about it instead of sneaking behind their backs.

But there is still the chance that they won't accept it, and you might have to give them time, and prove that it's not about the older person taking advantage of the younger one. If your feelings for each other are genuine then that should show through. You need to build their trust in you.

I keep referring to the 'younger person's' parents because they are the one's that will likely be the most concerned; but the older person's parents have a right to know, also.

Second: There is the aspect of the law to worry about. I don't think it's illegal to "date", a younger person, but sexual relations with a minor (if you are not a minor) is a big deal and can get you in serious trouble. It differs from state to state what age is considered to be a minor and what is considered to be an adult. You should check it out before anything happens. Also, crossing state lines with a minor is a no-no.

In a lot of states the parents of the minor can sue the older person, or have them put into jail. So again, it's a good idea to try very hard to establish a trusting relationship with the parents and let them know what's going on, and to check out the laws in your state.

I know, a lot of parents might not even be willing to consider allowing their kids to date with such age differences, but you never know what they will say until you tell them. Parents can surprise you sometimes.

See Relationships - Peers / Crushes and Dating

-Erin-

Last modified on Monday, 30 May 2011 08:54
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Erin Donovan

Erin Donovan

Erin Donovan's contributions were written in the year before she began college, at which time she was WholeFamily's Senior Teen Advisor.

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