Q: A few days ago, I caught my dad doing drugs. He said that if I told my mother he would divorce her. I can't help but worry it will slip out... I cant sleep ever !!
A: You are so brave to be asking about this, and I understand how this could make you really stressed out. This is a big burden to be carrying around! And you shouldn't have to. Your father's behavior is typical of drug users - - blaming, hiding and denying. It might be hard for you to start dealing with this because to do so you will have to be thinking of your dad in terms of being a user - both of substances and of people - and that is a painful and uncomfortable realization about your own dad. If you tell your mother and your dad does indeed divorce her, the responsibility for the divorce is not yours, no matter what your father tells you. It is his marriage and his life, and HE is screwing it up, not you! Please do not let him guilt you into "protecting" him - because really, hiding this secret is just extending his lease on the vehicle that is taking him nowhere fast - and your family along with him. You might want to try saying something like this to him: "I love and you're ruining your life and harming mine and mom's. I will tell Mom because that may be the only way to get through to you. If you decide to run away, that's your choice, and if Mom decides to divorce you for your drug abuse, well, that's the consequence of your sneakiness and your lies. Maybe someday you'll get the help you need and you'll get control of your life." I wish you much luck - continue to be brave!!!! - Sara