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Newsflash:
Sunday, 25 March 2001

Under Sherri's Hat: Going Places

Written by  Sherri Mandell

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You know why they usually don't let women navigate up in space.

If they get lost, there's nobody around to ask directions from. There's nobody to tell you: make a left at the gas station. There's no way to tell if you've gone too far.

Men don't mind wandering lost for aeons -- or returning the six million miles to earth -- as long as they don't have to admit that they're lost.

As long as they don't have to roll down the window and ask a living breathing human how to get somewhere.

Sure he can get to the moon. But can he find the ingredients for fettuccine Alfredo?

Hertz is doing something so that drivers (read, men) will never again have to humiliate themselves by opening the window and asking directions. The Neverlost system will allow Hertz customers to type in an address or destination, and the in-car navigation system will then provide easy to follow turn-by-turn driving directions.

(As long as you can figure out how to use the navigator.)

A man will never have to talk to anybody ever again about directions.

There is an exception. There is still one place where a guy will need directions:

In the kitchen.

Where's the ice cream? he will ask you.

Well, gee, I don't know. (Where could it be?)

Where's the milk?

(Take a wild guess!)

How do I find the spaghetti?

(Take a left at the cupboard.)

The scissors? The tape? Paper clips? (Gee, could they be on the desk? Never thought of that one!)

Sure he can get to the moon. But can he find the ingredients for fettuccine Alfredo? Doubtful. Can he find the ketchup? Not a chance.

He will call out to you, honey, where's the.....fill in the blank.

Ladies, get busy. Maybe there's a new technology out there to cure the problem. We can make a million. A billion.

Anyone who can invent an IN HOUSE Neverlost program, send your ideas to me.

Maybe, just maybe -- we'll also be able to help men find their glasses and keys.

Those pesky telephone numbers they write on scraps of paper.

Maybe we can help cure their problem so they are never again

LOST IN THE KITCHEN.

(Watch for the upcoming feature film...starring YOUR HUSBAND!)

Last modified on Tuesday, 26 April 2011 13:02
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Sherri Mandell

Sherri Mandell

Sherri Mandell has a Master's degree in Creative Writing and has taught writing at the University of Maryland and Penn State University. She is the author of the book Writers of the Holocaust. She has written articles for the Washington Post. She is married with four children

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