Thursday, 22 March 2001

The Challenge Of Creating Union

Written by  Chantal Danino Holt

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"The perfectly mature and spiritually valid relationship must always be deeply connected with personal growth... At any given moment, each partner will serve as a mirror to the inner state of the other and therefore to the relationship." "Creating Union" by Eva Pierrakos and Judith Saly!

Being in a love relationship is a human need, essential like breathing fresh air and drinking clean water. Just like there is awareness about the delicate ecology of nature, there is growing awareness about the ecology of relationships.

We pollute ourselves, our partner and our relationship each time we send or receive negative emotions: anger, jealousy, boredom, lack of trust, lack of support, lack of communication, lack of sexuality, fear - all add up to creating a relationship which is out of our control. It is in our power to plant and nurture positive seeds that will grow and bloom into a loving relationship.

We co-create the present status of our relationship, or the lack of it. It does not 'just happen' to us. Unless we face our problematic relational issues directly and begin to transform them consciously, they will not disappear. We have a tendency, or a habit, to accuse and blame our partner for what is not satisfying to us in the relationship. We need to learn to feel all our feelings without unloading them where they don't belong. To love and to be loved is a valid desire. There is no shame for the longing to create a loving and lasting relationship.

The ability to love always comes down to the inner willingness and readiness to do so. By being in a committed relationship, we learn to care for our partner more than ourself. On a deeper level, each partner is equally committed to the other's growth.

Difficulties that arise in a relationship are always signals that something is not being attended to. They are a loud message to those who can hear it. Couples who learn to 'hear' those messages can overcome the obstacles to a fulfilling relationship. Then, individually and as a couple, you can cross the bridge and get from where you are to where you want to be in your relationship


When two equal partners relate, both carry the full responsibility for the relationship.
You always have the choice to relate in a shallow way or in a deeper way.
You cannot be lonely and unhappy if your relationship is genuine. Ask yourself how genuine you are with your partner, how willing you are to feel, to be open and vulnerable, to reveal yourself and all that really matters to you.
What is necessary to the health of your partnership is identical to what is necessary to your own growth. Each one holds the pieces that the other is missing. When you want your partner to be loving and affectionate, be loving and affectionate.

Last modified on Sunday, 22 January 2012 20:45
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Chantal Danino Holt

Chantal Danino Holt

Chantal Danino Holt, the mother of three children, is one of the founders and volunteer directors of SHANI, a non-profit organization against child prostitution, and is also a social worker, Reiki Master, reflexologist, and works in visualization work and psychotherapy with individuals and couples, integrating mind/body/spirit healing with conventional psychology. During the year 1999-2000 she was the coordinator of the WholeFamily Marital Center.

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