Working Moms

It's not every day that I think about my children while I'm at work. It's every minute. Almost. I'm sure that my colleagues are sick of hearing about the cute / brilliant / awful thing one or the other of my kids did or said, but I will still not hesitate to share these stories. It's every bit as important to my daily work ritual as is my first cup of coffee, and believe me when I tell you that coffee is important to me. I enjoy collecting the things my kids say and do because it keeps me in touch with them. It's like a psychic paper clip, in a way. As long as their names are on my lips, they don't feel so far away. Even though I am certain that my kids are happy, safe, stimulated and loved, my hungry motherhood mourns that it's not me doing all of it.

When my friend, Ruth, landed a full time job after 15 years as a free-lance writer and at-home mom, seventy percent of me applauded the new move. The other thirty percent felt like it was in an elevator that had disengaged and was falling through a hundred story shaft. "Maybe we should talk about what my new job means for you," she had said, noting my poorly disguised bewilderment. "Oh, I'm sure there are going to be some major adjustments in your household," I answered, neatly dodging her overture by turning the focus back to her.

I worked part-time until my oldest was 12. I was there every morning and afternoon. I found it tough going. I don't know any mother who doesn't. The need for food, comfort, talk, activity. When they were little, I made up games where they ran into me and I pushed them down with a pillow. They loved it. They kept running back. I would hum Kachatorian's the Hungarian Sword Dance.

I have been working only part-time (15-25 hrs. a week) since my little boy was born. He is now five years old, and I am going back to a full forty-hour workweek. He is, of course, in kindergarten for a couple of hours in the afternoons. Daddy will be taking care of him during the day--I won't be home until 5:15 PM or so. I have so many fears that he will be missing out on all our great times together (painting, sleigh riding, baking cookies, playing in the leaves, etc.

We've all been there....stay at home moms and those returning from work. Those hours between 4 and 7:30, till the kids are fed and settled , till the kids are at peace. At those hours, you can hear mothers all over America calling each other and shouting: Help! In this scenario, Mother has been at work for eight hours and has driven home in traffic with the car making a funny sound which worried her the whole way home. She had to stop and buy some toilet paper since there's none left in the house and she was angry because she was on the express line behind someone with more than 10 items.

"I just can't seem to get a handle on things," says Donna, a full-time mother of three and full-time assistant manager at a popular restaurant. "It seems as though every day is harder than the next. My day goes out in all directions, nothing pieces together and every day is a crazy mess. I need help getting it together." Donna is not alone. All across the country, millions of people are trying to juggle parenthood, career and homemaking at the same time.

When my first child was born 15 years ago, I phoned my editor at the Elizabeth Daily Journal where I had worked as a staff writer and said, "Rich. I just can't come back." He understood, expected it even. I began freelancing at home, working part time, fitting my schedule around my kids' needs. "If, as many women, you feel guilty and feel you have to overcompensate for the time you are not catering to your children, you should probably be working on that rather than how to fit everything into your daily schedule.

"Increasing numbers of women are discovering a great male secret - that work can be an escape from the pressures of home..." What's wrong with this picture? Our eight-year-old has been home with a mild case of chicken pox for the past couple of days. I stayed home from work the first day and today, my husband took off. I've been needing to put in some extra hours at work and Bob agreed that today I could stay late. As I walked to the bus stop this morning, I felt a small sense of elation.

Dear WholeFamily Counselor, I am a 27 year old mother, worker and full-time student. I have a little girl who is three. My question is: How do you balance all of these things without one area lacking? (Especially my daughter and school work?) Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Let's make one thing clear right from the start. ALL moms are working moms. This community, however, is devoted to mothers who work outside the home. We face many challenges that are different from those faced by stay-at-home moms or moms who work at home. Hopefully, we'll soon have communities for these groups too. We are at the crest of a great wave of social change. For the first time in history, a majority of mothers are working at jobs outside their homes. At the same time, most of us are still primarily responsible for what goes on in the home. No wonder we're overwhelmed and stressed out! Until flex-time, reasonable parental leave policies and a more equitable sharing of responsibilities at home become realities, we working moms will be spending too much energy juggling too many responsibilities.