Teens -- Window into their World

Hi, I am 15. I have thought about killing myself though I don't think I would ever do it, however just thinking about it makes me kind of nervous and scared. Is it normal to think these thoughts? I know where its coming from and that is because I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. My parents are on the brink of divorce and other things. I don't feel comfortable talking to my parents and I hate talking to counselors. I do have a friend I could talk to but we are not on good terms right now plus she might tell someone out of concern. I am really confused because some advice pages say its normal and some do not. Please help me. I don't know what to do.

My brother is constantly getting in trouble and everybody is always screaming at one another and I can't stand it. My brother is always hitting me and telling me I'm fat and stupid. I don't know what to do. Please help.

I was and still am going through a hard time since my parents' divorce five years ago. I can only talk about it to my parents when the subject comes up since it's embarrassing for me to talk about. My friends don't have to go thru this and they don't understand. I told my dad I needed a counselor and he didn't get me one. I can't bring it up now or I'll cause a blow-up between all of us. What should I do?

I am responsible and I think my parents know that already. I am 15 and I already do the dishes, laundry, I vacuum, dust, get excellent grades, I baby-sit my sister constantly, and I also do not do drugs or drink alcohol. I guess you could say I am "perfect," but aside from all of this, my parents will not let me go out on a date with a guy. They will not let me go out with my friends either! I just want to go out once or twice a week, but no! I have to baby-sit my sister all the time. She follows me and my parents don't do anything about it. She is also afraid to be home alone (supposedly.) And one more thing, my sister made a long distance call that cost about $35 and I had to pay for it! What is up with that? Why should I have to pay for it? PLEASE HELP!

I am 13 years old and I was wondering what I could do about having more freedom in my home. When I ask my mom about this, she says the parent is always suppose to win fights. So what do I do? I would like more freedoms and also to have a better relationship with my mom and step dad.

How do you get your mother to listen to your side of the story? We often argue about issues that she thinks are not worth fighting about. I feel that I need to get my point across, but she won't listen if she does not feel that the matters are worthy of a discussion. Any ideas?

My parents treat me like I'm 5 years old and I'm 15. And my brother gets all the attention now and everybody thinks he's all mighty. They treat him like a saint and me like a germ or something. I just got yelled at because my brother and his best friend were yelling at me and calling me a brat and all. My mom came in and started yelling at me as if I started everything. And then my step-dad came in and yelled at me, too. My mom always does this to me and I hate it. It's as if everything that goes wrong in the house is my fault and then I get yelled at for it. And whenever my brother and or his friends do something to me and I tell my mom (I'm not a tattle-tale) she tells me to shut up or go away. It's like she doesn't care if they hurt me.

What can I do about my mother? She loves my little brother more than me. She buys him stuff and not me. What should I do?

Hello. I know my parents have only been divorced for 4 months, but I am still hurt over it. At first I was like "sure, this won't bother me, I won't let it", but lately, it has. And in fact, only about 5 to 6 of my friends know about it so far. And see, my mom's been dating this guy, and I dislike him an awful lot, because I guess I just don't like his lifestyle.

I'm 14, and my parents won't let me date. I know that doesn't sound that unreasonable, but right now I have a boyfriend that is almost 16, and he can obviously date. I love him very much, and I trust him, its not like he's going to pressure me into anything I don't want to do. He's been my friend for a long time and now we're finally together, but my parents hate him. They've never even met him, and they won't make an effort to. They just don't like him because he's 15. I think that's unfair, and I can't see my boyfriend, even if there are 10 other people there. They won't let me and a bunch of friends go to one of his soccer games, and I can't go to his church, simply because he's there. PLEASE help!! My parents just don't understand!

What are some ways to resolve conflicts without fighting?

Hi, my problem may sound really superficial, but it is making me very unhappy. I go to a school where everyone is really snobby and rich. Nobody seems to care about anyone else, and they don't seem to know a thing about real friendship. I have known these girls who I thought were my friends, but when it came to dealing with other things besides gossip, they couldn't deal. One girl even said it was too much pressure to be friends with me, cause I actually tried to be true friends with her.

Can you help me? I have a friend, well actually she's not really my friend that much anymore (my parents told me to stay away from her.) Anyway, I've known her for 3 years - since 7th grade. (She was such a sweet person in 7th grade -we're in 10th now). In eighth grade, she seemed to be really depressed (I think it was depression or so she said ). She would cry for no reason, or if she got a bad grade on a test she'd cry and sob for along time right there in class. And she started eating less and wearing more black (nail polish) and occasionally dressed in all black. She bangs her head into her bedroom wall real hard several times when she gets mad at her step-dad or something.

I have a slightly big problem. I have no friends. I do have a group of people I hang around but they're not really my friends I only hang around them. I've been trying to make a real friend since kindergarten and now I'm in grade eight and I've had no success! It makes me depressed sometimes especially when I never go to the movies or shopping with anyone let alone parties. I'm really lonely and I don't know what to do. Do you have any idea of what I should do?

Hey Erin, I'm 13 and I've always been a little shy in approaching people. There is this guy who I really like a lot in the class next door to mine. We always make eye contact when the door is open. The problem is I'm sorta short for my age, like 4'11 probably 5'1'' with my shoes and he's like taller. I feel uncomfortable because he's much taller than me. Do you think he will realize it when I'm next to him and not like me anymore, or do you think he'll like me for my looks and my personality regardless of my height? Do guys judge by height and does it change their decision about a girl?

I'd like to know a guy's opinion and/or comments on a couple of things. When you're dating a girl, if she loses of gains weight, how much of a change would it take for you to notice and or comment on it? If you found out that your girlfriend was diagnosed with an eating disorder (like anorexia/bulimia), how would you feel about it? Would you keep your distance because you might think she has major problems, or would you stay close to her and try and help?

I've been seeing this guy for about a month and things have been getting pretty hot and heavy. We haven't gone all the way yet but we both want to. The only thing is that technically we're not going out and I am starting to question whether this would be such a good idea. One the other hand, we both know a lot about one another and he doesn't pressure me to do anything that I don't feel comfortable doing. And furthermore we both plan on using protection.

Does sex hurt you?

There's something that has really been bugging me for a while. My ex-girlfriend ended up using me to get to my best friend. But now my best friend has a new girlfriend. Then the other day she calls me up and asks if I want to be friends with her again. She also gave me this long drawn out apology. I used to really like her but then she really hurt me and my ego. So I guess my question is: Should I be friends with her? And I also want to know if this is a subtle hint that she wants to go out with me again.

This guy and I have been friends since the 3rd grade (we're in 8th now) and I asked him out in 7th grade and he said yes but during the summer he dumped me. And then, 1 week later he asked me back out. Then yesterday, he dumped me because he doesn't like me any more and he just wants to be friends like before. I thought I was happy but I guess I'm not and I want him back. So do you think he'll ask me back out like last time??

I've been dating a guy for 6 months but he's 19, he constantly tries pushing me into sex and guilt trips me if I reject him, my parents don't know about him but my feelings about him are mixed. At camp last week I met a real nice guy that's also 14, and we started going out, so now I'm cheating. I want to get rid of guy number 1 but I'm afraid he'll hurt me if I break up with him, what should I do?

Do you have any tips on getting that ONE guy? I have been playing Hard-To-Get, but it doesn't seem to be working. Please help.

Me and my boyfriend had a terrible fight. Recently he said he missed me and was sorry so we've made-up, but he continues to do the things that broke us up in the first place. He's been hitting on my cousin and I know he cares about me but I hate when he does that and then try to cover it up. I want to be with him and I deserve better.

Hi ! I'm 13, and I missed my period by a month and 19 days. Do I have something wrong with me?

Is it ok for a 19-year-old to go out with a 13-year-old?

I want to know whether it is right or wrong to masturbate, and will it influence my body development?

Why do guys have to act so macho around their friends and then they get all lovey when you are alone?

My best friend has a major crush on my boyfriend (she told me before we started going out.) The problem is she comes everywhere with me and him and she's all over him. How do I tell her to back off nicely??

I am 21 years old and a senior in college. I have been with D for two and a half years and we have lived apart for almost a year. My dad has said horrible things behind D's back but acts nice to him to his face. D does not ever want to be around him because he can't pretend that nothing ever happened. My family on that side also makes smart comments about D. My question is - what should I expect from him? Should I get angry when he doesn't want to go to Thanksgiving or just accept it?

I am a 19-year-old college Freshman at Arizona State University and my girlfriend is a 17-year-old high school senior at a school back in my hometown in NJ....We've recently been talking of marriage and we're kind of really wary of it, even though we both know we want it. I'd just like to hear your opinions on this matter and maybe you can help us out on this one.

I've been going out with this guy for a while and I really like him but every time that he's around, I'm really quiet ( trust me, that's unusual) and I get wicked tongue tied... sometimes I can just relax but other times I can't and when I say stuff it comes out all messed up.What should I do?

I really want to ask this girl I've known for a long time to Homecoming but, I'm afraid if she says no, it will be awkward every time I see her or talk to her and I don't want to lose her as a friend because of this. What do I do?

Me and my boyfriend (we're 13) have been dating a little over a month now, and I think I'm falling in love with him. He usually acts like that shy type. He doesn't tell you a lot about how he feels or is that open. I was wondering if this has anything to do with me, or maybe his family? And also, if he is like this, how will I know when he starts to really love me? I hope you can help me.

I have our Homecoming dance coming up in two weeks and I don't have a date. My friends keep telling me that I can have fun without a date (they all have dates) but I feel like I need one because I don't like to be left out on the slow dances.

I am a 13 year old male. And I was wondering what pubic hair is. I am growing it and wanted to know what it is, what the purpose of it is. Is it all right to shave it? Thanks.

I just started school a week ago, and during my lunch there is this girl who sits across from me and my friends. I don't even know her but she is very cute, she has the same clothing style as me and she seems very nice. I want to go up and talk to her but I'm kinda shy when talking to girls I don't know. I don't know how to approach her and I don't know what to say and how to introduce myself. What should I do? Can you help me out?

I really like this young man. There are only 3 problems. 1. I'm Caucasian, 2. He's African-American, and 3. My father's side of the family is racist. How can I get my dad and his side of the family to accept my choice without them disowning me? I'm 18 years old, and I feel like they're treating me like a 10-year- old. Society is really confusing me. In the 60's and 70's they were saying NO SEGREGATION and now that these two races are coming together by loving each other, society is saying SEGREGATION. Please - I need help, I need to make myself happy, but I also don't want to loose my family either in the process of making myself happy.

After a two-year relationship, my boyfriend and I have broken up. He was my first true love. I am 18 years old and have been with him since I was 16. How do I cope with all this pain? Also, how do I act around other guys?

There is this boy I've known and loved all my life. He's a friend of the family. I'm pretty sure he has feelings for me too, but every time we see each other nothing really happens and we don't see each other often enough. Because of him I won't go out with anyone else and find it impossible to like anyone else. We have this mutual friend who supposedly likes me and the three of us have been called "the three musketeers." If two of us went out, the other might be uncomfortable. But I love this guy and our parents kid around about us getting married but I'm hopeful. What should I do ?

I am not to supposed be dating and I am head over heels for this one guy, that I was thinking about the summer (meaning going to try to date during summer.) Well, I tried to ask my mom when I could date and I was told 18. My older brother dated at 16. I am 15 now. How can I get my parents to lighten my dating sentence?

A guy asked me to go with him to a dance. I don't like him, but I said "No, but I'll see you there." So he asked me to dance all the time and he calls me everyday. The problem is that I don't like him. At all. I've tried to like him but it just isn't happening. He is almost obsessed with me and is always there! He is so nice I just don't know how to tell him gently that I don't want to go out with him!

My boyfriend and I have been in a horrible position for a year. All of our friends have been talking about sex for the longest time. We were the only two who thought that we should wait, we thought we were doing the right thing. We tried to tell all of our friends to wait too but they didn't listen.

Hey Erin. About two months ago my best friend Heather was raped. She didn't tell anyone, she just informed me. Now she just found out she was pregnant and she didn't tell her parents the truth because she is afraid. She told them that she just chose to have sex and her mom and dad keep calling her horrible things like a slut. I don't know what to do. Can you help me?

I am a teenager and pregnant. What should I do?

My problem is I just started a new private school in my area. No, it's not the friends I have problems with, it's the teachers and the amount of homework I am given. I am given at least an hour's worth of homework each day from each teacher. I already have commitments and plans! What do I do???

Lately, I have found myself spending more time with the guidance counselor at our school then with anyone else...not by choice. I have told her already that I don't like talking to counselors because I don't know them well enough and it's just hard for me. Still, she insists that she needs to talk with me because my friends/ faculty keep saying they're worried about me. If they are worried, then I wish they would talk to me about it and not continue to force me into the guidance department. I am sick of it.

Hey! I read what your site said about drugs. And I think that they are stupid. But that is not going to stop people from doing them. I have a group of friends that do them. And they seem fine. They want me to try them. Everyone does them. They can't be that bad. I mean if I try them only once it isn't gonna matter, right? Plus, how could I say no to my friends?

Jenny has it right when she says she thinks kids need structure, chores and rules. She recognizes that she has trouble following through. That's one step in the right direction. Jenny tends to request something of the kids and then immediately begins compromising and modifying her position.

Q Dear WholeFamily Counselor, Hi. I have a 16-year-old that is very resentful and never wants to do anything or go anywhere with me. I've tried forcing her to go to counseling and she refuses to go. She is okay at times but when I ask her to do chores around the house she mumbles under her breath and then proceeds to do whatever I asked her to do. She wakes up in the morning with the nastiest attitude. Many times I just want her to just go live with her father so that she can see how good I really am to her. I pray that someday she will be a happier person. A You are going through what millions of parents of teenagers go through every day.

Although the times and family make-up have changed dramatically, the foundational principles of intelligent parenting survive. Research has provided clear fundamentals that direct children toward confidence, security, and achievement. Furthermore, there are a fair number of day-to-day options available in raising children from which parents can choose. The children of this millennium will continue to be influenced by much more than their families; however, parents and grandparents continue to set the important foundations.

Jenny doesn't see herself as a grown up. When dealing with her kids, she easily regresses to being one of them. She says things like, "Aw, come on..." and "I don't care." Children deeply resent a parent who is afraid to parent. Being an adult is a scary thing. It means taking responsibility for our lives and our actions.

This drama illustrates a typical situation in marriage. Both partners are absolutely right. Yet neither one can acknowledge the other's point of view.

Andrea is 100% correct. You can't be successful in life unless you're focused and are able to delay your gratification. You've got to know how to say, "No." That's what discipline is and it's the job of a parent to help his kid understand that.

On the other hand, Ron's also right. There's too much emphasis on work and productivity in our culture. We have forgotten how to make time for friends, for family and for ourselves. We are a society of driven people who have sacrificed home and family for the marketplace.

Their challenge as a couple is to learn how to reconcile their differences so that they can teach their son how to integrate a life of friendship, play and entertainment with discipline, achievement and productivity.

How can Ron and Andrea learn to hear each other's point of view?

What do you think is their real point of difference?

Q Dear WholeMom, I feel it's never too late to train my biological kids to pick up, although I have always taught them to pick up after themselves since they've been little. They usually do what I say. When my 16-year-old non-custodial son stays with me over the weekend, he always cleans his room before he leaves without my asking. My stepson is a different matter. He must have always been very sloppy and gets away with it, especially at his mother's house. When he comes to stay with us, he brings his sloppy habits with him and when I or his dad ask him to clean up, he usually does not do it.

AN ALL-TOO-TRUE ONE ACT PLAY IN THREE SCENES Jenny, 38, is the mother of Jesse, 11 and Joshua, seven. She works part time as an advertising sales rep for a local newspaper. On the side, she writes a restaurant review column on small, little-known restaurants called Hole in the Wall and she also writes poetry for herself. She reads lots of books on parenting. Her husband, Jim, an account executive at an ad agency, usually gets home just before bed-time. SCENE I Wheedle, Cajole, Repeat and When in Doubt, Bribe Jenny is cutting salad for dinner. She wants to get rid of the few dishes in the sink but sees that the dishwasher is full -- and clean.

Q It makes me so sad that our 15-year-old son shows no respect for either his mother or me. In fact, he laughs off any person of responsibility - teachers, coaches, etc. It is very confusing for me as we have always given him the material and moral support he has demanded. Yet he doesn't seem to appreciate this at all. His impudence is so extreme that he even mocks us in front of our friends. We have tried to explain to him that his behavior is unreasonable but he laughs us off, telling us that we're old and don't know anything. How do we deal with him? A I believe that your indulgence towards your son is the direct cause of his arrogant disrespect.

Q: We got cable television a month ago and my two teenage daughters seem addicted to MTV. I see their behavior deteriorating. They have no motivation to do anything else and they seem more tense. Is the extra television watching the cause of this? A: Guest Expert, Anat First, PhD, answers: Unfortunately, I can't give a clear-cut answer to your question. Researchers are divided on this issue. Some claim that television is the most important factor in our media culture; that many of our images and much of what we learn and know comes from our media environment.

If I were my parents I would always stick up for my kid because if you don't, your kid begins to feel bad and thinks that you don't care about him. Anyway, your kid always needs somebody to stick up for him. I would also let my kid wear whatever he wants and make his own decisions, because kids need freedom as much as parents do, if not more. I'm not saying you can let your kid do whatever he wants, but don't confine him, and let him make his own decisions. I would also let him keep his room however he wants.

Two little blue lines. Not one. Two. You are going to be a Mom. How did this happen to me, you ask? Well...I don't think I need to draw you a map. OK. Time to breathe. And then it's time to think. Hard. First things first: Tell your parents (or guidance counselor, who can help you tell your parents), and tell your lover. Easier said than done, I know, but if you were grown-up enough to have sex, you are grown-up enough to face the unpleasantness of these confrontations. Next: Consider your options. First, you could decide to raise the baby. As a mother, I can tell you that this choice should not be taken lightly.

Speaker is school guidance counselor. Terri is outside his office, crying. - Terri - you O.K.? - Well, your eyes are red and you look real down. - Whoa, why are you crying? Come with me to my office. - Here, have a glass of water. - What's going on? - I understand you don't want to tell me but I think maybe I can help. I'll also promise you that I won't do anything without talking it over with you first. Nothing behind your back , O.K.? - So what's wrong? - You think you're pregnant or you're sure you're pregnant.

You're late. At first you figure it's just nerves. After all, you took precautions. I mean, you were always careful, except maybe that one time... So you buy one of those home pregnancy tests. You sneak it into the house and spend one crazy, long night reading the instructions over and over again. The next morning, your entire being becomes fixated upon that unmistakable, red POSITIVE circle sitting at the bottom of a plastic tube. For the first time in your life, you understand the full meaning of the word "panic".

I'm 17 years old and I have never had sex but I've been with this guy off and on for about a year and I went to his house and we fooled around. His penis never entered me but I didn't have my period last month. I've been very stressed out totally between working two jobs and everything. I also have been taking diet pills. Do you think there is any chance I could be pregnant? It may sound stupid but I'm a little worried. I don't get sick in the morning or anything. What's wrong with me?

Dear WholeMom, My daughter is almost 17. I was cleaning her room and found a used pregnancy testing "stick". It was wrapped in a paper towel in a little used cabinet in her room. The upsetting thing about this is that this is a child who excels in school, will likely get a full scholarship to the school of her choice and never leaves the house without telling me she loves me. I have always talked to my children about sex, consequences as it relates to health, pregnancy and the sometimes emotional turmoil that early intimate relations can result in.

Well, I just want to tell my story of how I got pregnant and how I live my life today.

This story illustrates a sad but real problem with teenagers, since risk behaviors tend to "clump together" with many teens. In other words, it's very common for a teen who starts having sex at a very young age to contract one or more sexually transmitted diseases (STD's) AND to have a pregnancy at a young age, AND to be the victim of sexual abuse, AND to have educational problems, AND to have severe family problems, etc.

Roger (40) and Lisa (42), the parents of Becky(14), are in the kitchen, having a cup of late night herbal tea, and discussing their daughter. Roger is a journalist and Lisa is a C.P.A. Roger: You what? Lisa: I made an appointment at the gynecologist. For Becky. Roger: For what? Lisa: For birth control. Roger: What are you thinking? She's only 14.

Angela was 14 the first time she had sexual intercourse. "I was the fourth child," she remembers. "By the time I came around, my mother and step-father - both alcoholics - had no energy left to discipline me." "I didn't have a curfew. I stayed out as late as I wanted." Angela admits that she had low self-esteem. "I didn't know how to say no. My father left the family when I was three. I guess I was looking for a father figure." The father figure Angela found was a nineteen-year-old friend of her brother.

Q: I was wondering if you could help me out with a problem. I have tried and tried to go on a diet - I even tried diet pills and they just don't work! I work out sometimes, I play basketball all the time, but it never seems to help any!!! All my friends are really skinny and pretty and I feel like I shouldn't even be friends with them 'cause of what they look like.

Kleptomaniac Friend: A Dilemma I am a 14-year-old girl. Recently I went to the mall with a friend named Tali. She and I were shopping for bathing suits. We went into the dressing room but didn't find any that we liked. Then we looked at makeup. We tried a lot of testers but we didn't buy anything. When we returned back to Tali's home, I was shocked when she changed. She was wearing the bathing suit top.

What on earth is going on?! Violent and bloody acts have plagued U.S. schools in recent years. Teenagers in Junior High and High Schools have been lashing out at their peers and teachers, gunning down tens of people, injuring and killing them. Since 1992, there have been 220 violent deaths on school grounds, an average of 37 per year (there have been 34 this year so far). This has caused concern and panic among Americans. From psychologists to criminal analysts, Oprah to the average layman, we are all talking and we are all shocked.

By Allison, Age 15 With A Response from Toby Klein Greenwald, Learning Expert Allison's Experience: When you are a baby your life is learning by watching, being cute and crying when you need something.

Justin and his mom just had a non-conversation. Reading the drama reminded me of two people talking at each other rather than talking with each other.

It's 5:00 in the evening, just before dinner. Justin, 14, and his mother are discussing his schoolwork. Mom: Do you have homework? Justin: I did it in school. Mom: Forest's father said that he had an algebra test tomorrow. I thought you were in his class. Justin: I am. But you can't study for algebra. Either you know it or you don't. Mom: Of course you can study.

Don't be shy now. Are you one of those people who is often asked (OK, begged) to help others with sinister homework assignments?

I had terrible study habits in grade school, as was very obvious from my report cards. As the subjects got harder, and as the workload got heavier, I realized that I would have to have a solid study plan. The following are ten study tips that helped me improve my study skills, and ultimately my grades: 1. FEED YOUR BRAIN. After a long day in school, your body is overdue for a well balanced home cooked meal. Sit down and enjoy your food, don't just take your dinner to go. You'll be giving your body the nutrients it needs to function.

My first day of high school was probably the worst day of my life. My parents were forcing me to attend a prep school 45 minutes from my home. Out of a class of 110 incoming freshmen, I knew no one. Not a single person. I had spent the last eight years in a class with 30 kids; I had not had to make a new friend at school since the first grade. I don't think I have ever felt as lonely as I did that day, before or since. So of course I entered school that first day with a massive chip on my shoulder.

What is it like your first year of high school? Do the teachers go easy on you or are they pretty strict? Do kids pick on the freshmen a lot? A Let me tell you, everyone getting ready to enter high school worries about this one! It's a brand new experience, so it can bring anticipation and anxiety. To be honest, the way things will go differs from school to school. The best way to find out is ask someone who's gone to the school you will be going to. If your friends have any older brother's or sisters that went there, or if any one in your neighborhood went there, ask them how things went.

Amanda, 13 1/2, is not one of the "in" kids whom everyone wants to sit next to."What's wrong with me," she's wondering, "and how will I deal with the anxiety of the first day?" I always hate the first day of school. Not the shopping part - that I like. It's fun to get new clothes and shoes. And I love wrapping all my books so everything looks perfect, and getting all the new notebooks and pens, and cool erasers.

Amanda is probably an O.K., pretty well put together kid. How do I know that? Because although she's hurting inside, 1) she is in school and not at home in a panic and 2) you don't hear her complaining about how miserable she was the year before in school. I think she's going to be O.K. Yes, Amanda is suffering and feels alone and confused. But a lot of kids like Amanda don't realize that some pain and confusion go hand in hand with growing up and trying to fit into the world.

So there you are, Dawson-like, brain and legs stretched out on some damp piece of lawn under the canopy of the wide Universe. It's you and some fellow graduates, Plato, Locke, Nietche, and the wisdom of the ages. You're half wondering just how deep you can get before you bottom out completely. A delirious cocktail of imagination, confidence and new freedom is raging through your veins: the New World has discovered YOU. And here's an Ally McBeal moment; your theme song comes to a screeching halt in the middle.

The summer after my senior year, I had one of the most boring jobs imaginable. But since I needed the money, I was grateful to work at anything, even if my job was washing cars for a university that rented out its fleet of cars to its staff and visitors. I had to be at work each morning at 6 a.m. Getting up was hell, but I saw the sunrise on my way to work in the morning.

Maybe it's the webolution, the pervasiveness of all types of media, and the ease with which we can now traverse the small, small, world in the comfort of our favorite chairs that's making me yawn even as I have seven applications running at once. Fact is, there's very little today's techno generation hasn't seen or heard or at least heard of. Just search for it, and you're there. It's all faster than I care to understand, and positively effortless. And all this "easy knowing" and fast food-everything seems to have a real effect: People who were born in the eighties seem just a tad more world weary than us Gen-Xers; and we seem jaded next to the Boomers.

The first breath of summer brings with it a hunger to catapult over ourselves, to grow wild. To climb, vine-like, beyond work and darkness and books. To cling to the wall and blossom there. Not to go on to new things right away, but to take the old ones and make them flower. Not to change, but to flourish. We remember things about ourselves in summer, the things we have always loved about being alive. We strip ourselves of sweaters and of pretensions, of windows and of neckties.

So there you are, Dawson-like, brain and legs stretched out on some damp piece of lawn under the canopy of the wide Universe. It's you and some fellow graduates, Plato, Locke, Nietche, and the wisdom of the ages. You're half wondering just how deep you can get before you bottom out completely. A delirious cocktail of imagination, confidence and new freedom is raging through your veins: the New World has discovered YOU. And here's an Ally McBeal moment; your theme song comes to a screeching halt in the middle.

I like going back to visit places that I had been when I was younger. I always remember things much bigger and more impressive than they actually are. It helps me put things in perspective and realize how much I've grown. But relating to people of different ages as you move from one stage of your life to another can be very confusing. Though you are physically bigger than you once were, it's hard to decide who you truly relate to. While others went home or to the beach, I decided to spend my spring break spending some quality time with my older sister and her family. Living under the assumed name "Uncle Elie", I immensely enjoyed being the fun and silly, if not utterly ridiculous, "kind of a kid and kind of a grownup".

It is a rainy Sunday afternoon in November, with nothing I want to watch on TV. All of my friends are away. My sister is at Green Acres Shopping Center. I walk through the house. My father is stretched out on the Lazy Boy recliner in the den, watching football. I sit down on the couch. A commercial comes on. A cute guy is in a sports car, driving a beautiful woman through a snowstorm in the mountains. When they arrive at their destination, a Victorian inn, every window is illuminated with a candelabrum. I walk to my parents' bedroom. The door is closed. I peer in.

Wyatt Dunn, 16, is now a Junior at Mulder N. Scully High School in St. Louis. His favorite subjects include Literature and Art History, but he is actively trying to wrap his brain around Calculus, with moderate success. After a period of not wanting to be part of anything, Wyatt joined The File, his school's newspaper, as Co-Editor and columnist, which takes up a large portion of his free time. (The Editor-in-Chief, Julia Korn, has been Wyatt's best friend since third grade.) His loves include The Offspring, Olympic Track and Field events, his niece and nephew, and Julia (but she does not know this.

Liz (Elizabeth) Hill, 21, is now a virtual Sophomore at Washington University. A talented drummer and guitarist, Liz spends her weekends playing at local clubs and the occasional wedding. She has not yet declared a major, but is considering either Business or Communications. Her family is sure she'll be able to retire by age 35, but Liz is not quite as confident. (She'll give it 'till 40.) Liz enjoys swimming and long nature hikes (well, as far as you can go in web-space), but is embarrassed to admit an aversion to bicycles.

Q: A few days ago, I caught my dad doing drugs. He said that if I told my mother he would divorce her. I can't help but worry it will slip out... I cant sleep ever !! A: You are so brave to be asking about this, and I understand how this could make you really stressed out. This is a big burden to be carrying around! And you shouldn't have to. Your father's behavior is typical of drug users - - blaming, hiding and denying. It might be hard for you to start dealing with this because to do so you will have to be thinking of your dad in terms of being a user - both of substances and of people - and that is a painful and uncomfortable realization about your own dad. If you tell your mother and your dad does indeed divorce her, the responsibility for the divorce is not yours, no matter what your father tells you.

Q:Our 16-year-old son has been acting strange lately. He stays in his room a lot, keeps to himself and seems very secretive. Could he be getting into drugs? Guest Expert Hilorie Baer, MSW, answers: Mood swings and changes in attitude and behavior are often seen in teenagers and may simply be signs of normal adolescent angst. However, if they are extreme or are affecting the child's functioning, they could be signs of drug abuse or some other serious problem and should not be ignored.

BACKGROUND Before we talk about the specifics of teenage drug use let me first mention the obvious. General drug use and/or abuse are an accepted part of our society. Hardly anyone questions the basic assumption that you take drugs to reduce tension, to lose weight, to concentrate, to get rid of a headache, to feel sociable, to sleep better, to kill a cold, etc., etc., etc.... Drugs temporarily hide those nasty annoyances that accompany life at the end of the Twentieth Century.

Last week, I ran into one of my teenage nieces at a trance party. I was just there out of curiosity -- really. "You are the coolest aunt, " she told me. She has a point. I've lived on a commune, hitchhiked across Europe, marched in demonstrations, have an open mind and love to experience new things. It was that love of new things that led me to my first experience with pot, back in the '60's. I was 18 and in my first year of college. My friend, Bill, and I went to his apartment to pick up the rest of our crowd, and a bunch of people were sitting around the table smoking a joint.

I guess I'm really writing this so maybe other people will read my story and not make the same mistakes. I have. I am a 16 year old sophomore and until about a year ago I was very smart and had a lot of friends. One day I was a normal teen with a normal family and the next my world was being torn apart. My family started having a lot of problems I feared my parents getting a divorce and I was living with a suicidal sister. I started spending less and less time at home and more time with the people that I called my friends. They all were into drugs and the stealing and violence that goes with them.

Q: Dear Dr. Sylvia, I am a single parent of three teenagers; a senior girl, age eighteen, a sophomore boy, age sixteen, and a freshman girl, age fourteen. My family is in crisis. I've raised these children alone since they were one, three, and five, and now my son is involved with drugs, alcohol, and is on probation. He was busted two weekends ago for MIP, driving under the influence of pot, possession of pot, and possession of paraphernalia. I couldn't believe it.

In the high school parking lot on Friday afternoon, after school, Seth faces a difficult dilemma. Makko: Are you going to the party at Trisha's tonight, dude? Makko puts his arm around him Seth's shoulders. Seth: I guess. Makko: My man, it's B.Y.O.S. You've got some, right? Seth: I don't really have... Makko: A stash...I can fix that. You want me to hook you up, dude? Seth: No, it's okay.

COCAINE and CRACK Cocaine belongs to a class of drugs known as stimulants, which tend to give a temporary illusion of limitless power and energy that leaves the user feeling depressed, edgy, and wanting more. Cocaine is usually snorted through the nose but it can also be injected intravenously. Crack is a form of cocaine that has been chemically altered (freebased) so that it can be smoked. Physical Risks Associated with using any amount of Cocaine/Crack: * Increases heart rate, blood pressure, breathing rate, and body temperature. * Heart attacks, Strokes, and Respiratory Failure * Brain Seizures * Reduction of the body's ability to resist and combat infections * If using shared needles, hepatitis and/or AIDS Psychological Risks * Violent, erratic, or paranoid behavior * Hallucinations and "Coke Bugs", which is a sensation of insects crawling on or under the skin * Confusion, anxiety, and depression * Losing touch with reality (commonly reffered to as "Cocaine Psychosis") You can die from Cocaine the very first time you use it, due to the rapid effects it has on your heart and nervous system.

Marijuana is the most commonly used illicit drug in the U.S. Studies have shown that the number of teenagers who have reported using marijuana nearly doubled from 1991 to 1997. By 1997, 50% of high school seniors reported having used marijuana and 88% reported that marijuana was either "fairly easy" or "very easy" to obtain.

You've seen them - glassy eyes in sunken eye sockets, pale skin hanging off their bones. If you haven't already guessed, I'm talking about junkies. They messed up at some point in their lives by "experimenting" and got addicted. Now they want you to try some, too. See how it helped us? See how much better we are now? Come one, one hit won't hurt. One smoke won't get you hooked. One little dose won't kill you. That's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard.

It kinda started three years ago when my great aunt died. She was 65 and my second mother. My mom was not around a lot when I was a kid so my big influence was my aunt. The morning she died I went to her room to give her my daily kiss hello but as I walked in I knew something was wrong. I can still see her face like it was just this morning.

Chris, 14, has a boyfriend, Rick, who wants to have sex with her. She doesn't think she wants to, but she's afraid she'll lose him. Rick keeps pushing me. I don't know if he's telling the truth - that they're all doing it... I mean, it's not exactly the kind of thing I can ask my friends in school, is it? Not even Dara. We're close, but not that close. I don't really want to, but he keeps saying if I love him, I should prove it. I'm happy with the way things are now. It feels good just to fool around and touch each other, and I like the kissing.

OK. So there you are. In a relationship. Maybe you are in love. You are definitely high on hormones, in a constant state of arousal. You feel the adrenaline pumping, your throat is dry. You don't need to eat or sleep. All you need is LUV, right? So you are getting ready to take the leap and have sex. If you think about it at all, rather than just doing it without thinking, your logic is probably something like this: I'm really into this person. This person is into me. It would feel really good.

QOur 14-year-old seems obsessed with sex. He spent a lot of time looking at sexual positions on the Internet until we forbade it. Now he does it at a friend's house. One day, he left his diary lying around open and I saw pages of crude, primitive descriptions of sex. Is this something to worry about? Is it normal behavior for this age? A Alan J. Flashman, MD, answers: Yes. However, the "fact" that it is normal is of little use to you.

Chris, you're facing a real tough choice and I suggest you find someone who is understanding and wise; someone who can be both patient and helpful. You're dealing with heavy-duty stuff and you need to talk. And soon!! If there's a chance that your parents can be that "someone", then talk to them. Your parents may very well be the people who care most about you in this world. And they don't only care about your life today but also about your future.

To all the "Chris's" out there saying "I wish there was someone I could talk to", you need to know that sometimes there isn't. In the real world, you may sometimes feel as if you're alone, which is too bad, since this topic may be the most difficult one you'll ever have to deal with in your teen years.

Here's what some of YOU thought about teen sex.... Straight talk from our boards: Confused_46 Junior Member Posts: 2 From: Registered: Apr 2000 posted April 10, 2000 11:58 PM I don't know if when I go to the doc for the"first time" do they HAVE to tell you r parents if you're sexually active? I want to know Bubbles Senior Member Posts: 522 From: Worcester, England Registered: posted April 11, 2000 06:06 AM No.

If I was a late bloomer, I was also slow. I know that some of the kids around me - I was 17 at the time - were sleeping with their boyfriends. But for me - and for my boyfriend, Jeff, too - it wasn't an issue. But holding hands with Jeff was dynamite - electric, thrilling, warm, exciting. It was the first physical contact we had - before our first kiss, before we hugged, before anything. And we kept it at that for a while. I was totally green when it came to anything to do with sex or even physical affection between the sexes, so I let Jeff take the lead. I've seen this from the boyfriends I've had since Jeff: The incredibly wonderful way it feels to hold hands with someone you really like only feels that way before you have had sex with them.

Samantha (14) and Luis (15) are sitting under the bleachers in the high school field on Friday night. Samantha is trying to convince Luis to go all the way. Samantha: I wanna do it. I wanna see what it feels like. Luis: I think what we're doing now is enough. Kissing. Let's wait. Samantha: C'mon. We love each other. Luis: Yeah, we love each other but I don't want trouble. Samantha: There won't be trouble.

Advice From Sara Q: I'm 20 years old (in a month) and I've been in recovery from anorexia for about 9 months now. I eat pretty normally now, except for a few quirks I have. But that body image thing won't give. I know that I am not naturally stick thin, and it makes me crazy that I just look "average".

For the past few months, while preparing for this site to re-launch, I've been hanging out on the discussion boards and reading through the questions that come in. They remind me of why a part of me is so glad I'm not a teen anymore... And why, occasionally, especially now that summer's here, I wish I could go back there.... I don't need to tell you that the thrills and the disappointments, the pain and the euphoria, are at much closer intervals - and are much more intense - during the teen years than at most other times in life.

Not too long ago, in a far away place called reality, people lived, loved and worked in private. Regular people, living in places like Bakersfield and Decatur, were dentists and flower shop owners. They read books in the evenings and went to movies on the weekends and watched TV. Nobody watched them. Movie stars lived in Hollywood, and we paid them to entertain us. Then something happened.

According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, the number of teenagers aged 13 – 19 opting to have plastic surgery has increased dramatically over the last decade. In 1996, there were about 14,000 plastic surgeries performed on teenagers. By 2010, this number had increased to around 76,800. Most teenagers seeking plastic surgery desire nose or ear jobs, liposuction, and breast augmentation.

While adults may get plastic surgery to enhance a physical feature or to stand out, teenagers turn to plastic surgery for different reasons. Often, it is the result of poor self-image, low self-esteem, and feelings of inadequacy. Let's take a look at common cosmetic procedures performed on teenagers today.

Otoplasty
According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, otoplasty, or ear surgery, was the most performed cosmetic surgery on teens in 2010. Correcting deformities, reducing ear size, and pinning prominent ears are typical reasons for otoplasty.

Rhinoplasty
Rhinoplasty, more commonly called a nose job, is available to teens as young as 13. Sometimes it's necessary to correct a deviated septum, but often is sought out for purely cosmetic reasons to reduce or reshape the nose. This is one of the most popular procedures sought by teens.

Breast Augmentation
While implants are illegal for anyone under the age of 18, teens can still opt for breast reduction or surgery to correct asymmetrical breasts. Girls aren't the only ones to request this surgery, either. Some teenage boys develop excessive breast tissue requiring surgical correction.

Liposuction
Liposuction is the surgical removal of fat from the body. Plastic surgeons are normally selective about candidates for this procedure. Doctors normally recommend an exercise and diet program before resorting to surgery to treat weight issues. Due to this selectivity, most plastic surgeons won't perform liposuction on a teenager. This is one of the least performed cosmetic surgeries on teens.

For more information read "Plastic Surgery for Teenagers Briefing Paper."

Responding to a Teen Who Wants Plastic Surgery

As discussed in the article “Cosmetic Surgery and Your Teen,” the immediate reaction of many parents is, “No” when they are asked if plastic surgery can be considered for their teens. This isn't always the best approach. Remember, many teens want plastic surgery to deal with low self-esteem. This is why an open dialogue is necessary. However, parents should not rush into a conversation with their teenager without some preparation.

Initially, parents should educate themselves about the surgery their child wants. Knowledge about how the surgery is performed, possible outcomes, and realistic expectations is crucial to a productive discussion and will help parents and their child come to a reasonable decision.

When it's time to talk with a teenager about plastic surgery, keep an open mind. A teen's desire for surgery might be as simple as wanting to fix a deviated septum, or it may be more complex involving body image issues. Parents need to inform their child of all aspects of the surgery and decide if their teen is mature enough to fully understand what he or she wants. Many surgeons require counseling before performing a cosmetic procedure on a teen; this may be a good starting point for parents.

Electing for plastic surgery is a big decision. Many teens are not mature enough to fully understand what he or she is asking for. It is a decision that should only be made after research, open discussion, and possibly counseling. While plastic surgery may boost the self-esteem of some teens, it is not a guaranteed solution.

Now, are you ready when you're teen ask for a surgical enhancement?

Lisa Moore is a senior writer of Interactive Service Group. Her articles have appeared in Nooz Hawk, Herald Extra-Mom Click, Shannon Miller Lifestyle, Parent24 and elsewhere.

Kleptomaniac Friend: A Dilemma I am a 14-year-old girl. Recently I went to the mall with a friend named Tali. She and I were shopping for bathing suits. We went into the dressing room but didn't find any that we liked. Then we looked at makeup. We tried a lot of testers but we didn't buy anything. When we returned back to Tali's home, I was shocked when she changed. She was wearing the bathing suit top. She said that she had forgotten to give it back. But the next day in the high school bathroom, I saw her using a new lipstick that looked like the ones from the makeup counter.

Q My 11th grader is facing the SAT's and is beginning to panic. During his last school exams, he was so anxious, he couldn't remember anything and is terrified now that the SAT's are coming. He's bright and has always done well in school. How can we help him? Diane Wyshogrod, PhD, Guest Expert answers: A First, it's important to understand that anxiety per se is not a bad experience. It is the body's arousal to protect itself and it galvanizes our whole system.

Nothing to do? Nonsense. 10. Organize your closet. Not as drastic as Clueless, or anything, but your pirate costume from third grade could probably go. 9. Paint a mural. Ask your parents permission to paint your room, or offer to paint one in school. You'd be surprised how artistic you are (and how you are allowed to skip classes or chores if you are doing something productive and community minded.

QI am a parent of a 13-year-old girl who is in the seventh grade. We live in a small town in Oklahoma. My daughter has lots of friends, is really pretty and does well in school. The problem is she doesn't want to go to school. She actually makes herself sick to keep from going. It has gotten so bad that I have been turned in to the District Attorney because she's missed so much school. I love my daughter and I want her to do well and go to school. I've tried talking, listening and begging and I can't figure out what the problem is and neither can the school.

QI am writing to ask you how I should handle my problem with my 14-year-old nephew who refuses to go to school. My sister, whose son I am talking about, has several children from two marriages. She is currently living with a man who is the father of one of those children. He beats her regularly. She has left this man several times and each times swears she will not return. The last time she left, she came to stay in my house with her four children. After one month, she decided to return to her husband, the man who keeps beating her.

Q Dear WholeFamily Counselor, I have a 15-year-old daughter who seems to rather enjoy the company of older men.... some as much as seven years older. I believe this age gap at this young age is not acceptable. However, she feels she can have friends of any age. I don't think this is only a FRIEND! How can I convince her it is not a good idea and that the consequences could be devastating? She believes her older friends are totally harmless and would never do anything to hurt her, use or abuse her.

Brandon, 6 1/2, comes home one evening to discover his Daddy is leaving home. He can't understand why his parents can't solve their problems without his Daddy moving out, and he's wondering if he is to blame. I don't understand. Why did Daddy move out last night? I came home from school and he was taking out a suitcase. It looked like he was crying! Anyhow, he kind of messed my hair and said he'd see me on the weekend. Lyn kept pulling on Daddy's pants and wouldn't let him leave, but Mommy finally stopped her from running down the steps after him. They were both crying - Mommy and her, and I felt like crying too. Why does he have to move out? They said they weren't getting along anymore and needed a "separation".

More than half of the marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. So there's a good chance that either you or a friend of yours has parents who are splitting up - or who already have. Your Stories (Children of Divorce) Divorce hurts. I don't need to tell you that. You might feel a lot of pain and be very sad. You also might feel like you're going through this all alone.Well, you're not alone. Just look at what Brandon's going through. You're probably older than him, but some of the things he says are true for older kids too. The stuff I'm going to say needs to be discussed with your parents.

The late Erma Bombeck, one of America's funniest columnists and author of quite a few dissertations on the humor of life, knew the importance of laughter. "If I could live my life over," she once wrote, "I would have laughed more." People who laugh are pleasant to be with; pull a long face all day, and you will soon notice that others try to keep out of your way. Laughing speaks of humor and the importance of laughter can never be underestimated. It is a part of life. On the scientific front, laughter makes for good health.

Dear WholeDad, Hi! I'm a 13-year-old girl and the youngest of 5. My father passed away six years ago. It didn't seem to bother me then but now it does. I really miss him more now than ever. Is this normal??? Katie Dear Katie, I would think that what you are experiencing is absolutely normal. At the age of seven, the level of maturity of most kids is nowhere near that which it takes to comprehend and process the tragedy of a loss as great as losing a father.

My friend Elaine is 36 years old but she has not yet learned to sit. She can stand, occasionally, but generally, she's in motion. She is chasing her two-year-old, wiping chocolate off her four-year-old daughter's lovely face, or teaching her seven-year-old to ride a bike or her nine-year-old to jump rope. She is outside with them all afternoon, or inside, baking or doing projects. When the kids go to sleep, Elaine cleans or paints something. Thursday nights, she cooks two full meals (feasts, really) for her frequent weekend guests.

Losing a parent, at any age, is difficult and painful. It clearly marks the "end of innocence" for us as children. Our aloneness and vulnerability become painfully clear. Most of us face this emptiness as a natural consequence of our own aging process. Usually the tragedy and loss of one's parent is forestalled until such a time as we have created alternate sources for our unconditional love, which often help us to put the pain into some sort of 'acceptable' perspective.

Imagine the world without guilt. I'm sure there would be many people that wouldn't change, due to their impeccable characters and strong moral fibers. But I'd venture to say that a large majority of the planet, without a second thought, would do whatever felt good. Scenario: Chaos. In my opinion, guilt is among the only things that keeps our society in normal working order. If not for our guilty consciences, we would bring destruction upon ourselves. Call me conservative, but I really think it's true. I've felt "guilt pangs" in the past, but I'll never forget the one time that I felt truly guilty.

Celene, 15, just lost her father to cancer. She is having trouble coping with the sadness, and the guilt she feels for not having done more while he was alive... I went shopping for Reeboks, and my father was dying of cancer. What was I thinking? He gave me money and I went out and went to the mall and bought myself sneakers, and he was lying in bed. He could hardly get out of bed. I bought Urban Decay nail polish. And I met Charlie and I had Chinese food with him.

Chelsea is 14 years old and totally "in love" with a guy in her class. But is she obsessed? I think I must be totally, completely in love. It's no crush this time. It's a feeling that burns me up. Whenever I see him, I feel like a volcano is erupting inside and hot, molten lava is going to pour out of my mouth and ears and then everyone will see. And everyone will know. And he will know. We're studying Romeo and Juliet at school.

Have you read the monologue: The Unbearable Agony of Being Lost in Love yet?

Reading this monologue, my heart really goes out to Chelsea. Fourteen can be a tough age. We know that the teenage years are full of strong emotions, and Chelsea is not unusual in being totally consumed by these feelings of love for a guy she has never even talked to.

What is it like your first year of high school? Do the teachers go easy on you or are they pretty strict? Do kids pick on the freshmen a lot? A Let me tell you, everyone getting ready to enter high school worries about this one! It's a brand new experience, so it can bring anticipation and anxiety. To be honest, the way things will go differs from school to school. The best way to find out is ask someone who's gone to the school you will be going to.

The night before the first day of school, I couldn't sleep. I was too busy worrying. First of all, I worried about what I was going to wear. I wanted to wear something nice, something that set the tone for the year, something that made me feel good.

I need ten hands or two bodies or another leg or something or somebody to help me get through all of this. Mrs. Nodiff gave us a report on the effects of democratic policy on the urban dweller in the former Soviet Republic. Like I care. And I have to do a report in English on the psychology of Stephen Dedalus in Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.

Pressure. It's a combination of events and factors, a sort of vicious cycle. All the adults are running around trying to create the lives they've always dreamed of. As we progress, we tend to become more materialistic, selfish and greedy, and we forget the joy of simple living. We all want something for nothing, so we look for better ways, faster ways, whatever, to go higher, earn more, buy more. We don't realize that meanwhile we're actually tiring ourselves out mentally and physically.

My first day of high school was probably the worst day of my life. My parents were forcing me to attend a prep school 45 minutes from my home. Out of a class of 110 incoming freshmen, I knew no one. Not a single person. I had spent the last eight years in a class with 30 kids; I had not had to make a new friend at school since the first grade. I don't think I have ever felt as lonely as I did that day, before or since. So of course I entered school that first day with a massive chip on my shoulder.

Stress! Not enough and life is dull and boring. Too much and you feel like you're going to jump off the deep end. I asked a group of teenagers what they do when they're too stressed out for comfort. Here are some of their suggestions: Exercise. Nothing beats a good workout to let off steam. Michelle likes to run. "It's free, I can do it anywhere, and when I'm done I always feel better." Basketball, aerobics, biking, swimming and walking are also popular. According to Jack, nothing beats karate. "I take all my frustration out on the punching bag. I punch it, kick it, and yell. It gets the anger out.

Juliet is suffering silently from self-injury syndrome, something that most sufferers suffer alone, and in shame. While some experts have seen self-injury as similar to suicide, just stopping short of it, most see self-injury as a distinct entity. Why do people, and especially women and young women, engage in such activities ranging from hairpulling and cutting one's self to much more severe forms of self mutilation? For those of us who don't engage in this kind of activity it seems bizarre bordering on crazy.

Q: Hi, I am 13 and live in Covina Ca. I have been really depressed lately and often thought about suicide. I don't think that I could ever actually do it because I now how much it could hurt my friends, family, teachers and such. It's weird because I am a good student, always getting a 3.5 GPA or above, am pretty popular, am also on good terms with my teachers and love school, yet through all the good stuff I am always unhappy.

Dean, age 17, is having trouble with his family. He feels that they are stifling his freedom, and he wishes they would leave him alone.

Amanda, 13 1/2, is not one of the "in" kids whom everyone wants to sit next to. "What's wrong with me," she's wondering, "and how will I deal with the anxiety of the first day?" I always hate the first day of school. Not the shopping part - that I like. It's fun to get new clothes and shoes. And I love wrapping all my books so everything looks perfect, and getting all the new notebooks and pens, and cool erasers. But I hate thinking about who I'm gonna sit near.

I am so alone. Lucky there's a VCR in my room. I can watch Shakespeare in Love and watch Gyneth Paltrow fall in love. Nobody would fall in love with me, that's for sure. Ever. I wish Mom would let the cleaning lady in my room. She says that I have to clean it up since it's so disgusting. I should deal with it. Well it's not so easy. I'm too tired. Where do I start? I feel like I'm in a fog, a cloud I can't get out of. When I move, the air surrounds me like I'm walking through blue exhaust from a trailer truck.

That feeling of being overwhelmed by fatigue, and unable to drum up the energy to do anything is a real sign of depression. If it continues for more than a short while it's time to pay attention. If you have a friend that has been in a funk for more than a few weeks, or if you yourself are unable to shake off that "absolutely no energy for anything" state, it is time to turn for help. Moodiness and low energy levels are certainly typical of many teens, for short periods of time, every now and again. For Mom to think that her daughter or son is just lazy and moody, and not to pay serious attention to what is really going on, is a mistake.

Juliet is 16 years old. She is sitting on her bed, with a razor in her hand. I can't believe I'm going to do this again. I thought it was over - everything was going so well. My scars are almost white, not that angry pink they were for so long. I thought I was feeling OK now. But then it just rises up again, this terrible anger. And then - nothing. Like I'm so angry, I go numb.

Amanda is probably an O.K., pretty well put together kid. How do I know that? Because although she's hurting inside, 1) she is in school and not at home in a panic and 2) you don't hear her complaining about how miserable she was the year before in school. I think she's going to be O.K. Yes, Amanda is suffering and feels alone and confused. But a lot of kids like Amanda don't realize that some pain and confusion go hand in hand with growing up and trying to fit into the world. Amanda is dealing with questions like: * "Do people like me?" * "What do kids think of me?" * "Am I boring or ugly or dumb?" * "Will I ever be popular?" * "Should I try and change my personality?" I'm sure that many of you out there have asked these very same questions.

My dad and I get into so many stupid little fights its not funny. Sometimes I feel like I'm nothing but a punching bag for him to take out his anger on. My mom and I get along great but sometimes it gets a little ugly, but we work it out. With my dad, I can hold a grudge forever. My mom tells me that his parents were really strict and hard on him, but I don't think he should take it out on me.

I don't know if I have a problem. Sometimes I get really depressed and I can't stop crying, (this usually happens at night). In the morning I always feel better. I always have thoughts of suicide no matter what. Do you think this is a problem? - Sad One

There she is. All smiles and charm and wide gestures and tilted head. Sparkling eyes, loud-ish giggle. Great clothes, great style, great posture, probably great looking. Of course, you can barely see her because she is surrounded by what looks like a bunch of Secret Service agents, but you know she's there. Everyone does. She is the popular girl. And while you may make fun of her, you and your best friend, when you are sure no one can hear you - how shallow or petty or fake she is, I'll bet that for at least five minutes every day, you wish you were her. Or at least, her best friend. Someone who slept at her house sometimes, tried on her clothes.

There was one boy named Elliot who was in my classes. He was a smart kid. I would call him almost every night to help me with my homework. We went through algebra, trigonometry, and calculus together. We laughed a lot on the phone, making fun of our teachers. We talked about the books Siddhartha and Steppenwolf. We talked about our parents. But I never ever considered him a potential boyfriend. Even though he was fun on the phone, Elliot was basically a nerd. He was short, he wore white socks, had braces, played the oboe-and got good grades. I also got good grades. But for some strange reason, I tried to keep that a secret from my friends.

If you're worried about a teenaged son or daughter who doesn't seem to fit in...take heart - and read on:When I was already a mom with kids of my own, I re-met Anne, a girl who had been in my fifth grade class and every class after that, but who had been so quiet that I barely knew she existed. She came over for dinner one night with her kids. My husband asked her how she had liked the kids at the schools we had gone to together. Her answer was simple - - but to me it was stunning. "I didn't have anything in common with them," she said. Here we were, two girls in the same school who both felt out of it. But I had blamed myself. I thought must not look right, act right, BE right because I wasn't popular.

Hey, you know everybody wants to be cool. We wanna look cool, have cool friends and do cool things, but did you ever wonder where the term "cool" came from? What does "cool" really mean? Anyway, when I asked my history teacher if I could do my term paper on "The History of Cool", she kind of stared at me, rolled her eyes and walked away. So rather than waste this very cool theory of mine, I figure I'd share it with you. The history of cool is like the history of the bagel--everyone wants to claim they invented it. So I figure my theory is as good as any. As I see it, somewhere around the Paleolithic Era (that's Stone Age for you illiterates), the idea behind the word "cool" came into being.

Some time just past childhood and before adulthood, our peers become our central focus: who likes us, who we like, who we dress the same as, who we wouldn't be caught dead with. It's like the whole world suddenly revolves around our friends. But what really makes a peer a friend? How can you tell if you are in it for the perks, or if you also love the quirks? Is it the person or her closet full of clothes and popular friends? The person or his awesome CD collection? Are you just thrown together by circumstance, or is this a bud worth seeing also outside of chemistry class? Does it matter? Of course it does. Here's why: True friendship, the kind where beyond having interests in common, you also like who is inside, is the only kind that lasts.

Yeah, I know I've got this earring (and tattoo, by the way) and some people think it's cool and some think it's weird. There are mornings when I face the mirror and I think that I look pretty cool and sometimes I look and think, "Oh man, what have I done?" My parents had a major freak-out attack over both and I got an infection (really, no big deal) from the earring. So all in all, I figure that I'm pretty qualified to talk about the subject of body art (piercing and tattooing). But the main thing is not to talk, but to ask.

A clique, as we all know, is a group of tightly woven friends who pride themselves on simply being together at the exclusion of everyone else. The only thing more uncomfortable than approaching a clique (usually a group of giggly or snobby girls and self-intoxicated guys) is being shot out of a cannon directly at a brick wall. Had I only been shot at brick walls as a teenager, I might be a little happier today. I've noticed that friendships in general are a lot easier to form and maintain for guys than they are for girls.

Q: A few days ago, I caught my dad doing drugs. He said that if I told my mother he would divorce her. I can't help but worry it will slip out... I cant sleep ever !! A: You are so brave to be asking about this, and I understand how this could make you really stressed out. This is a big burden to be carrying around! And you shouldn't have to. Your father's behavior is typical of drug users - - blaming, hiding and denying. It might be hard for you to start dealing with this because to do so you will have to be thinking of your dad in terms of being a user - both of substances and of people - and that is a painful and uncomfortable realization about your own dad.

During a commercial break, a public service announcement flashed across the TV screen: "Twenty questions to determine if you are an alcoholic." A minute later I rushed out to the porch where my dad was sitting with a can of beer. "Daddy! You're an alcoholic! You do seven out of the twenty things, and you only need three to pass!" I was twelve years old. My father looked at me and said, "Do we live in a nice house?" We did. "Do I go to work every day?" He did. "Am I a lawyer?" He was. That was that. Alcoholics live in cardboard boxes and beg for a living. The TV must be wrong. Every night at 5pm, Dad would come home, tense from his day at work.

We all know that smoking is bad for us (Duh!). I mean the label on any cigarette package practically says "Smoking this product will kill you". But the question is not "Is smoking dangerous?" but "Is smoking cool?" OK, so you agree that killing yourself is very uncool, but some of us still think that it LOOKS cool to smoke.Now, in my other articles (YOU HAVE READ MY OTHER ARTICLES?) we figured that looking cool is different than being cool. Well, since BEING cool is what we're after here, I'm now gonna tell you why you can't smoke and be cool at the same time.

During a commercial break, a public service announcement flashed across the TV screen: "Twenty questions to determine if you are an alcoholic." A minute later I rushed out to the porch where my dad was sitting with a can of beer. "Daddy! You're an alcoholic! You do seven out of the twenty things, and you only need three to pass!" I was twelve years old. My father looked at me and said, "Do we live in a nice house?" We did. "Do I go to work every day?" He did. "Am I a lawyer?" He was. That was that. Alcoholics live in cardboard boxes and beg for a living. The TV must be wrong. Every night at 5pm, Dad would come home, tense from his day at work.

Nicotine is the stimulant found in all tobacco products such as: cigarettes, pipe tobacco, chewing tobacco, and cigars. Cigarettes contain at least 43 distinct cancer-causing chemicals. Smoking is directly responsible for 87 percent of lung cancer cases and causes most cases of emphysema and chronic bronchitis. Smoking is also a major factor in coronary heart disease and stroke; and has been linked to a variety of other conditions and disorders, including slowed healing of wounds, infertility, and peptic ulcer disease.

Q I have a 15-year-old son who smokes. Not much but it's only the start. We don't know how to make him understand the situation. His two grandfathers and one grandmother died from heavy smoking and he knows it. We (parents) were also smokers in the past but not now and he doesn't get it. Please help us. - Marcia

I just quit smoking. I remember the day I started so clearly, though it was 18 years ago (aaagh!). Kay Turner, the coolest girl at Youth Club was making friends with me, I felt so honored, and when she offered me that first cigarette (Consulate, Menthol - yuk!) - there was no way I was going to turn her down. So that's my sad reason for starting a life long habit - to look cool. I remember how I must have looked, getting through packets of them when I never really needed to. How I have wished over recent years (especially since my mother died from cancer) that I had never got hooked, like some lucky people.

My friend Jonathan can watch as much TV as he wants. But I get an hour a night. I can't even watch a movie. And meanwhile they stay up and watch a movie after I'm in my room. Is that fair? No -- it's not. They treat me like it's the Dark Ages. They don't want me to read magazines, for God's sake, if they've got articles on sex in them. When my father gets mad at me, if I yell at him he kind of pushes me into my room. I want to push him right back. Mom never stops him.

I can certainly see Leon's point. He has me convinced that his parents are unreasonable tyrants. But, whoops, wait a minute. Maybe they aren't quite so bad? Leon's anger is understandable, and not unusual during the teenage years. Find me a teenager who gets along with his parents all the time.

Ever since the Columbine tragedy in Colorado the subject of teen anger out of control is on every parent's mind. How can the teenager be helped to express his or her emotions in a constructive way? Anger and aggression are a part of life but the hormonal edge of this age group may sometimes lead to forms of behavior that are scary at best, horrific at worst. Even when the emotional life of teenagers does not tend toward violence, parents often wonder how best to help their kids in this turbulent period.

What on earth is going on?! Violent and bloody acts have plagued U.S. schools in recent years. Teenagers in Junior High and High Schools have been lashing out at their peers and teachers, gunning down tens of people, injuring and killing them. Since 1992, there have been 220 violent deaths on school grounds, an average of 37 per year (there have been 34 this year so far).

We moved across country two years ago and our 16-year-old daughter still hasn't forgiven us for it. She blames us for uprooting her and she misses her friends terribly. Because she was very attached to her friends, we promised her before we came that she could go back summers. As the summer approaches and she prepares to leave, the pain of separation from her old friends seems to surface even more. She has good friends here but she seems fixated on the fact that we've uprooted her. I want to let her express her feelings, but I feel she becomes abusive. Is it a mistake to keep sending her back? How can we help her resolve this painful issue?

Learn from the Bears and do a bit more hibernating. Increased hours of darkness make it easier for your mind and body to get into slumber mode a little earlier. Teens typically get way too little sleep. Your growing brain needs rest! The Heat is On. It's getting really cold outside, and your family has the thermostat cranked up to Maui levels. Cozy, maybe. But people who spend loads of time in a heated home without breathing real air are inhaling loads and loads of germs. (Some docs say that it's the lack of fresh air in a closed house that causes sickness in the wintertime - NOT the cold.) Anyway, make like Faith and BREATHE! Stressed? Do Less. Try starting that new project, new workout, whatever, for five minutes at a time.

I had always been one of the smaller kids in my class throughout grade school. In fact, it wasn't until my ninth grade growth spurt that I finally towered over the giants that are my mother and sister, standing five feet, two inches and five feet, no inches tall, respectively. To say my size irked me would be an understatement. Besides for being physically irregular (read: the size of an action figure), I was also painfully shy by nature, and the lack of attention from my peers didn't improve the situation.

1. Gotta Keep Moving: Why drive two blocks? Walk there, if it's safe. Crowded parking lot? Forget it...park on the far end, and walk - if it's light outside. Talking on the phone? Walk around. Clean your room as you analyze what everyone said at the party. (Productive gossip, I call it.) CAUTION: Do get plenty of sleep at night, and DO NOT EVER EXERCISE OR "KEEP MOVING" TO THE POINT OF EXHAUSTION! 2. No Couch Potatoes, Please: Watching TV? Surfing and Chatting? Are you accompanied by a bag of chips? Watch out! Sitting and vegging occasionally is great - - but for many hours a day, it's no good.

Everyone wants their kids to eat more vegetables, right? Here are 10 tried and tested ways to do it. And no fair dipping them in chocolate fondue. By Ruth Lockshin 1. Convince yourself first - find out more about vegetables. Why do I want my kids to eat them anyway? How will it make their lives better? Short answer: Vegetables are really, really important for getting all kinds of vitamins and minerals that are difficult to get anywhere else. Long answer: Read books that can help you understand how vegetables make us healthier. Some of my favorite sources that answer my questions about this without going into organic chemistry are: * The New Laurel's Kitchen: A Handbook for Vegetarian Cookery and Nutrition, by Laurel Robertson, et al.

Your big test is tomorrow. You feel like you will never make it - your energy is zapped, your concentration is gone. Then you drink a tall glass of orange juice with a ton of crushed ice, a cup of coffee with some nutmeg sprinkled on top, and eat a handful of raisins. What a difference, right? Now you feel that you may be able to do it, after all. You certainly bought yourself a few hours of studying, anyway. So what's your best recipe? Do you have a favorite pre-test, pre-game, pre-date snack? Or what about a post break-up mood lifter? (Hot chocolate is a favorite.) Post your best recipes and the times in your life when you use them.

Annie is 15. She has always felt OK about her body, but during this past year, she has started to feel uncomfortable in her own skin. I really need to avoid looking in the mirror. It just depresses the hell out of me. What does it take to get a body like Jennifer Aniston? I mean really. Because maybe I could do it. You never know. Like do you have to eat only fruit and vegetables, and drink only water? Because I might be able to do that. Except for weekends I guess. I don't think I could do without pizza and stuff like that on the weekends.

Q: I'm 20 years old (in a month) and I've been in recovery from anorexia for about 9 months now. I eat pretty normally now, except for a few quirks I have. But that body image thing won't give. I know that I am not naturally stick thin, and it makes me crazy that I just look "average". I don't think I'm fat, but I don't think I'm thin, either. I feel funny when people look at me because I'm nervous they are going to notice that I gained weight and that I "couldn't keep it up". I was caught early, and while I know deep down that that's a good thing, it makes me feel that I wasn't ever sick enough to deserve help.

(Written for Chics, Guys Welcome.) All the advice that I've seen to teens regarding healthy body image (this site included, even some of my stuff) decries the media. The media that feeds us image after image of skinny until we hate ourselves for having fat molecules within five miles of us. We have to accept ourselves, this advice says, for who we are. We are not Pamela, not Jennifer, nor Kate, nor Heidi. We are real people with real curves and real muscles underneath. Celebrate your authentic sexy humanness!! OK. So who's partying? After many a sermon like this that I have listened to or read, (not that there's anything WRONG with that, mind you), I do not see throngs of girls burning pictures of Calista Flockhart outside of Spa Lady.

So there I am, at 1 a.m., relaxing in front of a mind-numbing - but somehow intoxicating - fashion show on cable. The girls look dead and fiercely alive all at once, and I am reminded of caged panthers at the zoo, sleek and nonchalant, pacing and intent, angry and on display. And I look at these mile high stick people and I can't decide what I think about them. Part of me is jealous and admiring, still, after all these years. Grow up! I admonish myself. Get with it.

Dear WholeMom, My 15-year-old is what we used to call "pleasantly plump." She should lose about ten pounds, but she has stabilized at that weight and doesn't binge. She has a very pretty face, beautiful curly hair and a great personality. She is a good student and popular in school. Most of the year she is very happy. The problem is the summer, when kids spend so much time swimming. Most of her friends, both girls and boys, are very thin. Some look almost anorexic. I have tried to talk to her about self esteem not being about externals, like the body, but she is a sensitive girl and feels shy about the fact that she doesn't have a model's body. She has passed up invitations to go to the beach and the pool with friends because of her weight, yet she doesn't seem to have the motivation to stick to the diets I have suggested.

Q: I was wondering if you could help me out with a problem. I have tried and tried to go on a diet - I even tried diet pills and they just don't work! I work out sometimes, I play basketball all the time, but it never seems to help any!!! All my friends are really skinny and pretty and I feel like I shouldn't even be friends with them 'cause of what they look like. I have a lot of friends but I have also been made fun of.

Caryn is very concerned about her daughter, Brooke, who looks too thin to her. She feels that Brooke may have gone too far with her diet. Caryn: Did you eat anything? Therapist's Comments on Eating Disorders (I) Teenage girls growing up today are bombarded about weight, diets, body image, and how they look from a very young age. The messages are constant, contradictory and confusing. On the one hand we are constantly being told : " you can't be too thin," " don't eat too much," " watch the fat," "exercise." On the other hand our mothers, teachers, and doctors are concerned that we might be too thin. So what's the scoop? How to find the balance? Brooke: I had a half a bagel.

Teenage girls growing up today are bombarded about weight, diets, body image, and how they look from a very young age. The messages are constant, contradictory and confusing. On the one hand we are constantly being told : " you can't be too thin," " don't eat too much," " watch the fat," "exercise." On the other hand our mothers, teachers, and doctors are concerned that we might be too thin. So what's the scoop? How to find the balance? I think that is the million dollar question of the twenty first century.

Body weight, fat and dieting have captured the minds and imaginations of teenagers and adults alike. "Thin is in" and has stayed "in" for a long time now. The intense fear of becoming fat is usually not alleviated by any weight loss that the person achieves. To give you an idea of how much of a hold weight loss has on us, consider this: an estimated $33 billion is spent in the U.S. each year on diet books, over-the-counter medications, health club memberships and low calorie foods! Melanie is no different than millions of other teenagers and adults around the world.

By Anonymous, age 16: One morning my father caught me spilling my breakfast down the sink. It would not have been a big deal, except that he happens to be a pediatrician, and I happened to have just lost twenty pounds in the last two months. He put two and two together, and freaked out. Welcome to Parentsville. The confusing thing is, everyone, including my mother, has been telling me how great I look lately. The woman whose kids I take care of in the evenings said that I was her "inspiration" to go on a diet.

Melanie, 13, is disturbed about her weight. Her mother thinks she looks fine, but she doesn't quite make it into her bikini. Summer is coming, and she's beginning to panic. Could this be the beginning of anorexia? I cant stand looking in the mirror. I'm so fat - all these bulges and rolls of lard on my legs and hips - at least 8-10 pounds worth! I wish I could look like Amy. She looks great in those jeans she wore today, and I saw all the guys looking at her. I even saw Steve staring at her when she walked past us at lunch. I wish.... My Mom says I look just fine, but what does she know? In a few weeks we??ll all start going to the beach again, and I'll just die when everyone sees me in my swimsuit with all this fat.

Imagine your parents gave you a car for your 16th birthday. It's not new or anything, but it doesn't have too many miles on it. It's an OK color, not your favorite, but OK. It's got two or three nicks or scratches, but it's pretty cool, and it moves like crazy. Now imagine that you looked at that car, the one that takes you to school every morning, the one that takes you to the mall every weekend, the one that feels so good on the highway, with the windows rolled down, imagine that you looked at that car, and saw every bump and every scratch and the wrong color and the wrong upholstery and you hated it.

Have you read Did You Eat Anything: A Drama yet? By Dr. Chane Deitcher, PhD. This is a classic example of a conversation between Mother and daughter who want to connect, yet lack the skills to communicate. The Mother is clearly concerned about her daughter's well being. She is attempting to convey the message that she cares. The daughter, on her part, is expressing her anger, yet at the same time indicating a need for the Mother's approval. Each is attempting to reach out, yet neither side knows how to connect. The overall experience is one of frustration and distance. The Mother begins by focusing on the food. Through the food she is expressing her concern for the daughter's well being.

Sharona, 17, is standing in front of the fridge at midnight, looking for something.... Hello refrigerator, you good friend. You are there for me, all right. Yeah, who else can I turn to at 11:45 PM on a school night, when I'm bored and I'm all alone? Who else has something to make me feel good? Okay, some turkey, some nice white meat turkey, that's not too fattening, but hey let's whip up a little Russian dressing and how about some chips on the sandwich and on the side? Hey, that's good

Have you been wondering why your 12-year-old daughter is gaining so much weight? Have you been concerned that your 15-year-old looks too thin? To find out about teenage girls and body image, we interviewed Martin Fisher, M.D., chief, Division of Adolescent Medicine, North Shore University Hospital in Manhasset, New York. Dr. Fisher shared his views, based on 20 years of experience in adolescent medicine. According to Dr. Fisher, girls experience their major height spurt early in puberty (the time of hormonal changes which bring about physical changes,) about six months to a year before their first period. (It's interesting to note that in the 1850s, the average age for a first period was 16; the average age dropped a year every generation until it stopped at 12 1/2.

Caryn is very concerned about her daughter, Brooke, who looks too thin to her. She feels that Brooke may have gone too far with her diet. Caryn: Did you eat anything? Brooke: I had a half a bagel. Caryn: Did you put anything on it? Brooke: Mom, who are you? The Food Nazi? Caryn: I never see you eat anymore. You're getting so skinny. Brooke: Well, who told me I was fat in the first place? Caryn: I said that you should exercise.

By C, age 20. My eating disorder really started when I had the flu and I lost a few pounds. When I went back to university, I stopped eating carbohydrates (I liked that I was getting thinner) and I lost more weight. On spring break I lost even more. I wasn't really aware of what I was doing really - just that I couldn't eat much at all. I think this may have been due to breaking up with my boyfriend at that time and other men problems previous to that AND the transition of going to university 200 miles from home.

So now I'm Jen's Back Up Plan. The Next Best Thing if Roger is otherwise occupied. It used to be me and Jen . Just us - every lunch-break, every night on the phone, every Saturday night at the mall. But now she's with Roger, and I have to ask her when she's free to talk or go out instead of it just being assumed that we would be hanging out together. Last Saturday night, Jen asked me to come with her and Roger to the movies. I really didn't want to go - I knew I'd be left out. Jen sat between Roger and I, and they whispered and held hands throughout the whole movie. She only remembered to talk to me during intermission.. They asked me to come with them afterwards for pancakes and shakes - as if I would! As if they really wanted me to.

Steven McDonald. I loved him. He was tall and muscular, with curly blonde hair. When he smiled, he blushed, and his cheeks turned pink. He was on the basketball team, the baseball team and the football team. Somehow I knew that his father worked as a prison guard. I'd heard rumors that he had a brother in prison for murder-something to do with drugs. Steven McDonald. I imagined kissing his fingertips, putting his hand to the side of my face, feeling the warmth of his palm on my cheek. I wanted to kiss the pain from his face, the suffering of having a brother who was a murderer.

I recently asked an 18-year-old guy if he believed in platonic relationships between guys and girls. His answer was interesting: "Only if there's a barrier," he said, "like if she's dating your friend or if she's your cousin. But generally - I'd say no." After years of field research on the subject (hey, someone has to do it) I have found this to be true. "We're only friends" is a cop-out: it means you don't know each other that well, that one of you feels something the other doesn't, or that you are lying to yourselves. Strike this comment if one of you is gay or attached, or if you are related. It is my feeling that when you have a close friend of the opposite sex, with whom you share everything and where no mitigating factors exist, at least one of you will be harboring deeper feelings for the other.

Q I really like this girl but I am too chicken to ask her out because she is "cool". What should I do?

My "first love" was Jeff, a decent 17-year-old with a few problems. (Don't we all have them?) I put "first love" in quotes because at the time, I didn't think of myself as being in love with Jeff. What I felt about him didn't match what I saw in the movies or read in books. I felt intensely about him - I liked him tremendously, I wanted to be with him all the time. I enjoyed myself incredibly when we were together. I wanted to know him better. I was attracted to him. I was interested in everything he had to say. I cared about him. (I still care about him all these years later.) But I wasn't in that altered state of consciousness that I thought of - and later experienced - as being in love.

Q I have a problem with my boyfriend. I care about him a lot, and we've been going together for 4 months. He's a senior, I'm a junior. We have our good times, but lately all we've been doing is fighting. And mostly it's about stupid things. He'll get mad at himself for not doing something right and he'll start screaming madly about how stupid he is, and how he can't do anything right. I tell him to stop talking like that and that it's not true, it was just a mistake, and we all make mistakes.

OK, so some jerk was walking off with your fantasy girl. Now, you took a good look at yourself and a good look at him and you think, "What could she possibly see in him?" So you figure she fell off the deep end and who needs a babe with bad taste. But then your friends start complaining about the same thing happening to them--I mean, these are cool dudes and the girls are dropping them left and right. So you figure that either the school has been invaded by aliens or some kind of toxic chemical has reached the water fountain supply.

Invisible. That's what I was when I was with Nikki, my best friend. Ten years later and it's still with me. She had some light inside her body, or something, that drew the guys to her like insects (which isn't such a bad comparison, right?) The weird thing is, she was no prettier than I was. We were both smart, both capable, and neither of us were "easy" - - but there she was, center stage, while I hung back, kind of like her little sister, tagging along.

We have all been there: Madly crushing on someone, and trying to piece together clues like some two-bit detective. Did he mean I looked good, as in, better than yesterday when I looked stupid? Or did he mean I looked good, as in, he'd love to have a bite? Does she think I'm cool, as in, yeah, let's hang out? Or does she mean cool, like, cool enough for her? Well, how do we find out? None of us ever wants to ask for a clarification, unless we are sure what the answer will be. And there comes a point when having your best friend scout for you is pathetic.

I was 15 the first time I saw Jeff. I had had crushes on boys before, but this was different. With the guys before him, it had been secret and one-way. I liked them from afar. I never let anything on. I would have been mortified if they had known. But with Jeff it felt different than any of those crushes. It felt more real. I didn't think of it as a crush. One night when a bunch of us were out together, I saw Jeff pull out a chair for the girl sitting next to him. I was impressed with that. And there were other little things about him that spelled QUALITY. Also, we had "chemistry." I liked the way he stood with his thumbs hooked into his back pockets.

Advice From Sara BODY IMAGE AND EATING DISORDERS How Do I Get Myself to Love My Body? Q: I'm 20 years old (in a month) and I've been in recovery from anorexia for about 9 months now. I eat pretty normally now, except for a few quirks I have.

Hi. I'm 15 and I've never had a date or even asked anyone out. There is this one girl named Sara (not her real name) that I like a lot but I don't know how to ask her out because I've had no experience with asking someone out on a date. I've kept running everything through my head to think of what I could do and I always get a good idea but whenever I even see her, my mind goes blank. I know it's not because of fear of rejection or something like that. I would do ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING for her, when I even look at her I get all weak in the knees and other things happen also. My friend who had the same thing happen to him, says that this is true love. I would trust my life with him and he says I should ask Sara out and I want to but, I've never had any experience with this and I don't want to scare her away. So my question is how do I get her to go out with me?

Alcohol belongs to a class of drugs known as 'depressants' because they slow down parts of the brain, such as judgement, reaction time, and motor skills. It also slows down the nervous system, lowering the heart rate and slowing breathing respirations. Alcohol is a legal drug (for people 21 and over in the United States and 18 and over in parts of Australia and Canada) and is most commonly used. If taken in moderation alcohol does not harm most people. However, regular excessive drinking of alcohol can cause a variety of health, personal, and social problems. Alcohol passes straight into the bloodstream from the small intestine and stomach.

Mike and Jim are on their way into the liquor store. Their plans for the night include drinking...and drinking. "Mike, come on, man! I'm not doing this by myself." "Chill, I'm coming." I can't stand this part of it. Buying the booze with our fake ID. I don't know why the other guys can't get themselves some fake ID. Jim and I use ours all the time. We could get into some serious trouble if we got caught. "Four six-packs of Budweiser please and that whiskey over there.

Sooner or later it's going to happen, if it hasn't already. You're going to attend a party or find yourself in a situation where drinks are being served. I'm talking about anything from lite beer to mixed alcoholic drinks. I can already hear you saying, "C'mon Liz, there's nothing wrong with a beer." And you're right - there is nothing wrong with the beer, but there is something wrong with the way we handle, use and think about that drink. Hey, I'm not just talking about teens here.

* Know that each woman reacts differently to trauma; there are no "rights" and "wrongs." * Call your local Rape Crisis Center or Victims Rights Group. A volunteer will accompany you to the hospital. # Your check-up will include evidence collecting, so it's important not to shower before going to the hospital. You may not want to press charges now, but if you change your mind later, it will help your case. You will also receive drugs to prevent pregnancy and STD's. # The hospital should contact the police, if you request. Remember, reporting the crime does not oblige you to press charges or appear in court.

Q: My dad and I get into so many stupid little fights its not funny. Sometimes I feel like I'm nothing but a punching bag for him to take out his anger on. My mom and I get along great but sometimes it gets a little ugly, but we work it out. With my dad, I can hold a grudge forever. My mom tells me that his parents were really strict and hard on him, but I don't think he should take it out on me.

Advice From Sara Q: I'm 20 years old (in a month) and I've been in recovery from anorexia for about 9 months now. I eat pretty normally now, except for a few quirks I have.

A Tae Kwon Do state champion writes, “The room was cold and I could hear other kids snoring on the couches. I was frozen, inside and out, outraged and shocked. I didn't fight. I didn't scream. I didn't even say ‘stop.’ Mostly, I just couldn't believe it was happening.” Sally Byrne decides to help other girls fight back with this scary story that comes with practical advice for empowerment and strength.

I am having a really big problem. My boyfriend has been forcing me to have sex but I don't want to. The reason why I don't want to have sex is that my brother used to sexually touch when we had to go to bed. Every time my boyfriend touches me sexually I see my brother's face and hear his voice. What should I do? - Untouched

1. Puberty is not be confused with adolescence. Puberty is the physiological growth and anatomical development that take place when the pituitary gland releases growth hormones. 2. If you're off to an early start or an unusually late one, relax. Everyone develops according to his/her own personal biological clock. Girls start developing as early as 9 or as late as 15. Boys can start as early as 10 and can continue through 17 or 18. (Many women maintain that men continue their puberty well into their 40's.) 3. Boys can experience growth spurts practically overnight, resulting in sudden maladjustment in motor-coordination skills.

Nancy is 12 years old. She is noticing changes in her body, and doesn't quite know what to do with herself... My body is totally freaking me out. There's hair in all sorts of places. Wiry hair. In my armpits and Down There too. Shaz (that's Sharon) says I need to start waxing my legs and maybe my armpits too - OUCH! Shaz says that I could shave instead if I want to (which wouldn't hurt at all) but the hair would come back thicker and stronger and before long I'd look like a gorilla.

Our 16-year-old son is at boarding school and comes home on weekends. When he does, he and his 10-year-old brother fight like cats and dogs. The dinner table, which used to be a nice place with easy give-and-take, has turned into one long argument. I know this is because the little one wants the attention he's used to and the big one wants to talk to us because he's not home most of the time. How can we satisfy both their needs and end this constant fighting?

Dear WholeMom, I have two daughters, aged 17 and 16. Lately they appear not to like each other. The 17-year-old doesn't like her sister's friends and lets it be known and not very nicely. The 16-year-old takes it very personally and fires back in a nasty tone. This is getting worse and now they don't seem to like anything about each other. The younger says she needs to move away for a time to get away from her sister because she "can't take it anymore." I think they should work things out but have run out of ideas. Neither has a nice word to say to the other and life here has gotten miserable for everyone. Moving out is not an option as there is no place to go.

QHow do you communicate with teenagers who keep seeing each other in a bad light? Two of my children, aged 17 and 19, attack each other verbally every day. There is lots of blame and negativity and it rips me apart. I try to teach them to give the benefit of doubt, but they consistently assume each other's intentions are bad. How can I effectively help my teenage siblings to get along with each other? Guest Expert, Jackie Goldman, M.S., answers: My feeling is that you cannot play the role of judge and jury.

As parents, my husband and I used to spend a great deal of our time hobbling around with at least one foot in our mouths. My reaction to teen problems is often of the knee-jerk variety, and my common sense goes out the window when confronted with teenage angst. My husband goes stonily silent, and gives all comers "the look." So, what is the solution, besides constant treatment for hoof-in-mouth disease? Write it! When my eldest child turned 13, and turned on the puberty fire full blast, I gave her a small, fat, lined notebook.

Sibling rivalry is a painful fact in all families that have more than one kid. Growing up with a younger brother or sister can often be a royal pain. Jenny is definitely within her rights to demand her necklace back from her sister. While it is impossible to avoid all fighting, agreeing on some ground rules regarding respecting property and space can go a long way to reducing the number and the intensity of fights.

I must confess. I, too, was once a teenager. So was my older sister. I owe a lot to her. I would sit on the stairs and watch her and my parents go at it. They would scream about her boyfriends, her grades and the late hours she would come home. But what really made them foam at the mouth was when they would invariably find a new pack of Marlboros hidden in some forbidden corner of her room. My father would accuse her of throwing her life away and she would snarl and snort and scream that living in their house was like having two prison guards for parents.

Nicole is 13. Her older sister Jenny is 15. They're getting ready for school. Nicole: What did you do to your hair? It looks weird. Jennie: Why don't you just shut up? Nicole: Did you cut it? You cut it yourself? Mom is going to kill you. Mom, Mom! Jennie: Just shut up. Leave her out of it.

My friend Elaine is 36 years old but she has not yet learned to sit. She can stand, occasionally, but generally, she's in motion. She is chasing her two-year-old, wiping chocolate off her four-year-old daughter's lovely face, or teaching her seven-year-old to ride a bike or her nine-year-old to jump rope. She is outside with them all afternoon, or inside, baking or doing projects. When the kids go to sleep, Elaine cleans or paints something. Thursday nights, she cooks two full meals (feasts, really) for her frequent weekend guests.

Teenagers sometimes feel as if they are caught in a No Man's Land between childhood and adulthood. Wanting to have arrived as adults but not yet having the requisite life experience to temper their views of the world and the way it should be. No longer children, but not quite mature enough to be considered adults. Wanting responsibility but perhaps not yet ready to embrace all its consequences. Desperate to test and challenge the borders of their world but not wanting to abandon the place they call home - a physical and emotional refuge to return to.

Q: My dad and I get into so many stupid little fights its not funny. Sometimes I feel like I'm nothing but a punching bag for him to take out his anger on. My mom and I get along great but sometimes it gets a little ugly, but we work it out. With my dad, I can hold a grudge forever. My mom tells me that his parents were really strict and hard on him, but I don't think he should take it out on me.

My friend Jonathan can watch as much TV as he wants. But I get an hour a night. I can't even watch a movie. And meanwhile they stay up and watch a movie after I'm in my room. Is that fair? No -- it's not. Therapist's Comments on Obsessive Love Reading this monologue, my heart really goes out to Chelsea. Fourteen can be a tough age. We know that the teenage years are full of strong emotions, and Chelsea is not unusual in being totally consumed by these feelings of love for a guy she has never even talked to.

By Eve, age 15 Okay, so first there's the obvious stuff. Someone who can identify, be patient, and is good at disciplining in a nice way - firm and gentle. Like in A Family Apart, where the guy who adopts Frances Mary tells her to "keep your hands firm and your voice gentle." (He was teaching her how to work with horses.) Identify: There are times when a kid wants their parent to identify with them - to just laugh and admit they made the same dumb mistakes. Because when you tell parents something you felt bad about, they're invariably going to launch into this great speech about why it's not so bad, why you shouldn't feel that way, what you should have done instead -- and it's like sometimes you don't want that.

Brett and his Dad, Roger, have not been getting along. This is the latest in a recent series of arguments. Roger: Turn off that damn music! Knocks on the door. Roger: Don't you hear me? The music gets turned down. Roger goes downstairs. The music gets louder again. Roger goes upstairs again. Roger: Turn off that music. I'm going to break this door down. I swear. Turn off the music. He starts kicking the door.

Dean, age 17, is having trouble with his family. He feels that they are stifling his freedom, and he wishes they would leave him alone. Tanya (Mom): Dean, your grandmother asked you to pass the pasta salad. Dean looks down at his plate. Tanya: What are you, deaf? Pass the pasta salad. Dean passes the pasta salad. Grandmother: How was school today? Dean: Okay. Tanya: Did you have any interesting classes? Dean: Not really.

Pressure. It's a combination of events and factors, a sort of vicious cycle. All the adults are running around trying to create the lives they've always dreamed of. As we progress, we tend to become more materialistic, selfish and greedy, and we forget the joy of simple living. We all want something for nothing, so we look for better ways, faster ways, whatever, to go higher, earn more, buy more. We don't realize that meanwhile we're actually tiring ourselves out mentally and physically.

When my son was five, he looked me squarely in the eye and proclaimed me to be the meanest mommy in the whole wide world. Ever. I must admit, it was a bit of a shocker. I mean, I'm young. I remember being five. I try to be understanding, try to put myself in his shoes. But, dammit, he can not pretend to be Zorro and run down the street wielding a sharp metal pole he found in the clearing. Even if that makes me the Wicked Witch of the West. The next thought I had was terrifying.

Advice From Sara BODY IMAGE AND EATING DISORDERS How Do I Get Myself to Love My Body? Q: I'm 20 years old (in a month) and I've been in recovery from anorexia for about 9 months now. I eat pretty normally now, except for a few quirks I have. But that body image thing won't give. I know that I am not naturally stick thin, and it makes me crazy that I just look "average". I don't think I'm fat, but I don't think I'm thin, either. I feel funny when people look at me because I'm nervous they are going to notice that I gained weight and that I "couldn't keep it up".

A teenager is old enough to want to make her own decisions. A parent knows that a teenager is old enough to really screw up her life. We received a letter from a 15-year-old girl describing a familiar situation: Julie wants to buy a car with money given to her by her grandparents. Her parents have forbidden her, claiming that it's too dangerous. Using the old parental formula, "as long as you live under our roof," they are asserting their power, while Julie characteristically believes herself a responsible adult, and her parents overprotective.

Today was possibly the worst day of my life. Things were going pretty well in school, but my day was quickly ruined as soon as I got home. The second I stepped foot in the house, my mom asked me to drive Joey to baseball practice. Ever since I started driving, my parents constantly use me as a car service. Parents and Teens: The Age-Old Battle Explored I must confess. I, too, was once a teenager. So was my older sister. I owe a lot to her. I would sit on the stairs and watch her and my parents go at it.

Dr. Michael Tobin's prescriptions for a healthy parent-teen relationship prompted many reactions from our readers. Though some consider the article "a pretty good description of kids and parents today", other claim that "it just won't work" in their circumstance. Here is a sampling of the responses we received.

I'm 15, and I'm scared of my Dad. He used to hit me hard when I was in elementary school whenever he got angry, or sometimes he threw me against walls. He stopped doing that in 7th grade because he realized I was old enough to report the "violence". Even though he's not hitting me anymore, I'm still scared of him. Now, whenever he gets mad at me, he just makes hitting gestures, like lifting his fist or belt, and screaming and then cornering me. I know he won't really hit me, but it's already frightening enough to know that he always has a temptation to do it, and he's only holding himself back. God forbid if one day he can't hold himself back I don't know what's gonna happen to me. He told me that in those exact words, "If I ever fail to hold back my temptation, I swear you will end up in the hospital!" I've tried talking to him heart-to-heart, but he always ends-up saying that he can't help it, its just the way he naturally is. He knows how I feel already, but it's like a habit for him, or something. How can I adjust? - Scared of My Dad

I am 15, and my parents are not the greatest couple; they pretty much hate each other. My mom wanted to divorce my dad but she is too nice and didn't want to throw him out 'cause he wouldn't have anywhere else to go. My mom is really hard-working and brings almost all the money in this house. My dad is an architect (so is my mom) but he is the most stubborn person I know. He is not open-minded, and all he cares about is himself. He and my mom had bad fights, and I have always cut into the fights and then it has gotten physical between my dad and me. I know that my mom is lonely and she has told me herself that my brother and I are her only friends (my brother has moved to another city, he goes to a university there). I am very close to my mom and we do lots of things together, but I still want to do things with my friends. On the other hand though, I don't want to leave my mom alone at home, 'cause she and my dad might get into a fight. Just the idea of her being miserable and alone at home, while I'm having fun with my friends is really uncomfortable. I don't know what to do, every time I'm with my friends I think of my mom and if she is all right, and now I hardly do stuff with my friends and I don't know what to do. It is really confusing, because my mom is only happy when I am with her and I can't let her go because of myself!

I have a very controlling mother, and she is driving me up the wall. I have entered a counseling group, but that's only added to my stress, because the people in the group have become like family to me; and now I have to worry about them. Their parents abuse them, and all of them have tried suicide at lease once, and three of them are now in a nut house. Also most of them are on drugs; every day I have to worry if one of my friends has killed themselves. What should I do? Thanks, The Worrier

It's true. More than half of all marriages end in divorce. Probably half the kids in your class have only a mom at home. But knowing that didn't make it any easier when your dad walked out. It's not fair. Your Mom and Dad couldn't get their act together and you have to suffer. Maybe you even think that you could have done something to stop it, or, when you're really feeling down, you might even think that it had something to do with you. It didn't. First, I'll set you straight about that one and then give you some advice on how to get through this tough time.

Lindsay and Gillian are best friends, both 15. They're walking to school.

Lindsay: I can't tell you.

Gillian: What?

Lindsay: I'm in shock. I'm out of my mind. I'm going to kill somebody.

Gillian: What are you talking about?

Lindsay: I saw her.

Brandon, 6 1/2, comes home one evening to discover his Daddy is leaving home. He can't understand why his parents can't solve their problems without his Daddy moving out, and he's wondering if he is to blame. I don't understand. Why did Daddy move out last night? I came home from school and he was taking out a suitcase. It looked like he was crying! Anyhow, he kind of messed my hair and said he'd see me on the weekend.

Ed and Caroline are in the process of getting divorced. Tanya, their 13-year- old daughter, is discussing her feelings about Ed's new girlfriend, Laurie. Ed met Laurie when the car she was driving skidded and crashed into Ed and Caroline's front hedge. Laurie is a divorced mother of a three-year-old and a five-year-old.

Have you seen Dad's Cheating on Mom Again: A Monologue yet? By Ruby Wolbromsky, Ph.D. What do you think Jen is going through? You can almost hear her wondering: * "What kind of husband is my father?" * "Is my mother a total jerk or what?" * "Are my parents going to split?" * "If they do, what happens to me?" * " What are my friends going to think?" * "Are all boys unfaithful like my Dad?" * "If Dad is seeing other women, how come he and Mom are huggy and mushy?" * "Why does Dad continue to cheat on Mom? * "What does that say about their relationship?" * "What, if anything, should I do about this?" And in addition to having all these complex thoughts and questions, Jen is also feeling sad about the whole situation and is very angry at both her parents.

Jen, 14 1/2, hears her parents fighting again about her father's affairs. She can't understand why her mother lets herself be bought off by his presents. She can't understand why her mother doesn't just throw him out once and for all. Well, they're at it again. I wonder how it will end this time. Maybe if I turn up the sound real loud I'll drown them out. I think the part I hate most is the cursing.

More than half of the marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. So there's a good chance that either you or a friend of yours has parents who are splitting up - or who already have. Divorce hurts. I don't need to tell you that. You might feel a lot of pain and be very sad. You also might feel like you're going through this all alone.Well, you're not alone.

I want to live with my dad and his new family in the new house he bought them. I feel left out of his life, but also responsible for my mother, because my dad is always doing things to hurt her. I will have no place to live if I don't stand by her. The problem is, I don't like her or love her; I just pity her. I want him to stop hurting her, so I can go and live with him and have fun and a good time, not always hearing all the problems she has with where to live and all the bills she has to pay. What can I do? - Responsible for Mom

I have a problem. I eat too much and that's why I'm 20 lbs. overweight. I really want to be thin but I think it may be the family genes kicking in. I am V E R Y self-conscious, I guess. But I'm really tall too. Well anyway, the other day some guy friends of mine were talking in the bathroom while I waited for them outside. They were talking (kinda loudly) and they must not have noticed I could hear them, but they were saying stuff about my ex- boyfriend and how he only went out with me because he wanted to do something charitable for me because he thinks I'm fat.

Q: I'm an 18-year old high school senior who gets around in a wheelchair. My question is: Why are people always making decisions for me? Like at last year's Thanksgiving Day parade, it was chilly and this old lady came rushing up to me and, without even asking, threw a blanket on my lap! Also, is it wrong for me to resent it?

I've gotten lots of letters concerning teen marriages. Am I too young? What's the success rate? What are the issues we need to look at and discuss? It's my hope that in reading this, some of your questions will be answered. It's also my hope that you'll be left with even more to think about, perhaps aspects you hadn't thought of before.

Summer of 1971. I was 17, a couple of weeks out of 10th grade, enjoying my first cigarette and looking forward to a lazy vacation. I had never faced a serious problem, never taken an important decision, and never led to believe that I was anything but a typical teen-ager. I loved the Beatles, the Doors and Velvet Underground. Flower Power was groovy and the future ... well, I didn't think about the future. Meeting Prince Charming Then I met him. Nothing dramatic. A friend of my older sister's.

This is really odd to me to discuss my problems online, but I am losing myself very fast. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we have a 3-year-old son. We started out young, especially me. I am 19 now, he's 23. Before I got pregnant everything was fine, and we never fought. Now that's all we do. We try hard not to, but theirs no trust between us. I have been trying hard to fix things between us, and I am out of ideas. Where do I start? I love him with all my heart and I don't want to loose him. Help! - Needideas